I sat on the front porch fanning myself with the book I had been reading. I could feel the sweat trickle down my back as well as my arms. Today was definitely a scorcher. I wanted to go inside, but the babysitter was specific about us staying outside until the little kids were asleep. I looked at my bulky black watch. It had been thirty minutes since all of us older kids were sent outside to play. I looked around the neighborhood at the empty houses wondering how much longer we will have to wait to go inside. The screen door creaked open. The short plump sitter came out with a plate full of watermelon and a smile on her face. I jumped up and grabbed a piece of the ice cold watermelon and thanked her. I returned to the porch swing and bit into it. Juice ran down the sides of my mouth and I pushed the seeds away the best I could. I ate several pieces and then went inside to clean up. Sat on the couch and opened my book, settling into the air conditioning for the rest of the afternoon.

Hide and Seek

The sun came down on us with a vengeance as we played a game of hide and seek. I knew mom would be back from the store shortly and I could go in to the ice cold air conditioning and help her put away the groceries. Helping out in the kitchen put a smile on my face as I ran and hid behind the shed. I peeked around the corner and saw my little sister bopping along in my direction, looking from one side to another. I snickered at the silly smile on her face and waited for her to decide which way she would go around the shed. She came straight for me and I tip toed quickly to the other side of the shed and managed to slink away without her seeing me. I made a mad dash across the yard and I heard her yell “hey.” I laughed and looked over my shoulder. She folded her arms and sat down on the ground.
“I’m not playing anymore.”
Guilt began to smother me and I stopped running. I turned around and walked over to her. She looked at me and threw out her hand hitting my arm. “Gotcha!”
That sly little smile crossed over her face and I rolled my eyes. “Good one, sis.”

I heard the car pull up and ran around front with my sister on my heels, both of us laughing. Mother smiled at us and we helped her carry in the groceries, with my little sister bragging about her manipulative move to tag me.

Breaking Habit

While enjoying a hot and sweaty session of cardio craze at the gym, the instructor says, "Here's the song that gives you a goal. Name one thing that you would like to change (habit-wise) and do it right now."

So here's one thing I'm motivated to change: FEAR to commit.

I'm not talking relationships, but in my studies and getting my life organized. Once upon a time life was simple or more accurately controlled. I knew what I had to do the moment I woke up. I had structure. Now I have chaos. I lost control a year ago when I had to settle into a major change and since then I have struggled to find the happy medium. My goal is to get back into the normal grind.

As far as studies, I need to reach for the sky. I will never accomplish anything if I don't overcome the fear of rejection. How would I know if it's good if I don't throw myself into the lion's den? I am motivated but am afraid to commit a hundred percent. I am afraid to fail, yet I am failing because I haven't tried.

So here's to overcoming the Fear to Commit!

P.S. Soon I will work on the fear to commit into a relationship... soon.

Coffee in the Morning

I pour the coffee into my favorite mug, the one that says I'm having a nice day don't screw it up, and grab a cranberry scone. I open the door and walk out onto the deck and sit in my chaise lounge chair and take a sip. The breeze sweeps through my hair and I close my eyes, smiling. I can only think of one thing that I want to do right now. I want to dream of what tomorrow could bring. What will flow onto the paper the next time I write? Ah... it depends on my mood at this very moment. Romance found a way into my thoughts. I have an idea, one that could bring my words to life. I try to develop my thoughts without moving but I have to get up and grab my notebook. I scribble quickly as the images are vivid in my mind. The story unfolds and I am pleased with the rough draft. The notebook now lays in my lap and I grab the coffee mug and listen to the wind in the trees once again, sipping my morning coffee.

Today took courage to watch my son from afar holding tight to his father. Not that I didn't want him to, but I needed him in my arms. His father needed him more. I kept out of view for the sake of my child's father. I didn't want my little boy to see me and leave his father's arms. It was one of the toughest things I've had to do, but this was not about me.

On the way to the burial grounds my son saw me and jumped into my arms. I gave him a hug and he held me tight. I don't want to let go, but I must. "Bubby, daddy needs you," I whisper in his ear. He looks at me with understanding and I let him go. He runs back into his father's arms and hugs him tight.

I watched my son's passion towards his father. So nurturing at such a young age. I smile because I know I am raising him to be compassionate. I want nothing more than my son to show the people in his life that he is sensitive to their needs yet strong enough to recognize his own.

I am so proud of my little boy.

The Love of Structure

I never realized how important structure is for me until I moved.

The entire time I packed, I set a goal for what I needed to accomplish and stuck to my plan. However, sometimes something unexpected would come in to play and I would irritably rearrange my schedule. Still I was clueless that I relied on structure. It wasn't until a month after moving into the new place that it hit me. I had wondered around lost, not sure where to begin my day or end it and preferred to sleep. Slowly I transitioned back into a routine, beginning my day with writing followed by the gymnasium.
I do allow spontaneity throughout the day, but settle back in with writing and playing the keyboard before I drift off into dreamland.

The Fourth of July

A house full of family and friends, a box full of fireworks, large plates piled with food from the BBQ, and conversations to last a lifetime. This is the way to celebrate the fourth of July.

A crowd of spectators grow when the loud BOOM echoes through the streets of the once quiet neighborhoods. The oohs and awes fill the night with the sparkling and radiant colors that light up the sky.

Laughter erupts when the silliest things are said and done on this fourth of July as they wait patiently for the next exciting display of fireworks to be set off.

When the fireworks run out and the cleanup is complete, the long embraces and shaking of hands follow as they scatter back to their homes to settle in after a fun-filled and exhausting night.

A never ending smile in place while reminiscing on the events of the night as they shut their eyes and drift off into dreamland.

The Fourth of July, Independence Day, will always be reminiscent throughout our lives while we anticipate the next display of fireworks.