New Years Eve

What a wonderful way to celebrate New Years Eve with your children and significant other. This year I will get the privilege to toast with my son, boyfriend, and his beautiful six year old daughter. The horns are in hand and the hats are sparkling in the light. Confetti snappers are ready to pop. The flutes are filled with sparkling cider. Snack trays are filled with pizza rolls, pigs in a blanket, chicken nuggets, buffalo wings, chips, cheese dip, salsa, sausage, cheese chunks, and so much more. The sleeping bags and air mattresses are in front of the television ready for the ball to drop.

We will dance and sing and play hide and seek. Trains and cars and coloring books will follow. The night will be endless hours of fun and a hope that breakfast doesn't start until late the next morning.

Bringing in the new year with my loved ones is the best way to start a New Year.

Happy New Year!

Time Flies With Conversation

Have you ever sat on the couch wrapped in your lover's arms and just talked for hours?

On many occasions I have experienced this moment. I have laughed until I cried and cried until he made me laugh. We have discussed our future. Our dreams of being husband and wife and the possibility of having a little tyrant of our own. We have talked movies and childhood memories laughing and teasing at the silliest moments. We've discussed problems and searched for answers. Religion, parenting, family and many other debatable topics. Never do we get angry when we don't agree, but communicate until we understand each other's beliefs. It's nothing to sit down at eight in the evening and look up at the clock to see it is past midnight. Time flies by way too fast with my boyfriend.

With all this conversation, I feel I know more about the love of my life in five months time than I ever did with the man I spent seventeen years with. How is this possible? I found love and a reason to talk and laugh. Dance and sing. I want to enjoy moments and take chances with my new beau. I never dreamed like I have this last five months and now that I have started, I want to keep dreaming of a possible future with this wonderful, caring, understanding, lovable, handsome... okay I'll stop ;)

The Christmas Ornament

While sipping a cup of coffee in the dining room of my boyfriend's parent's home, his mother asks me if she told me about the ornaments on her tree.
"No," I answered with a smile.
"Well let me tell you about my tree." She got up from her chair and I followed her to the tree.
She told me about each ornament and their meanings. There was a semi truck on the tree that reminded her of my son and I smiled. The cowboy boot was definitely my boyfriend.
She paused for a moment and smiled. "This one," she says and points at the gold heart near the top of the tree, "reminds me of you. The golden heart."
I was astonished and speechless. How could she think so highly of me in the short amount of time I had known her? I smiled and said "Thank you" and gave her a hug, holding back the joyous tear that wanted to fall.
It was such a sweet thing to say. I am still speechless and hope that I never let her down. At least now I know where her son gets his sweetness.

Christmas With A Smile

The joys of Christmas start with a trip out of town to celebrate with (hopefully) my future family. When we arrive, I, along with Trenton, am excited. The first thing I do is give my boyfriend's brother a hug and tell him Merry Christmas. Trenton on the other hand breaks out the new remote control yellow Camaro, who he named Bumblebee, (a gift from my wonderful boyfriend) and races it towards the house.
Once inside I see the little girl who stole my heart months ago and squeeze her tight. Then there's mom and dad and the two older girls along with his brother's wife and we can't leave out his puppy, Tiny.

After settling in, the kiddos are antsy and ready to open gifts. We head into the dining room and begin the adventure of opening up the gifts. I loved every gift I received, though I was under the impression we weren't exchanging gifts. At least I will be prepared next year!

We cleaned up and prepared for dinner. We laughed and shared stories and watched as the children scattered to play with their toys. The boys gathered the dishes and helped their mother clean up. I watched, wanting to help but there wasn't enough room for all of us to join in. Next year I will find my spot somewhere in that kitchen and make sure to help out.

Having wonderful conversations made time fly by way too fast and next I knew it was time to say goodbye. Though I enjoy curling up on the couch in the love of my life's arms, it was hard to see his girls walk out the door.

The night ended with me wrapped tight in his arms watching a great movie until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. The last thing he said to me was also the first thing he said to me that morning. "I love you forever."
I told him that I will always love him.
Could Christmas really get any better than that? Hmm... I don't think so.

A Blast Of Hot Air

One week ago, the heater went out in my car. I dreaded climbing in with the falling temperatures. It had reached a cloudy high of 16 and the winds pushed hard against the car. I had a stocking hat, scarf, gloves, thick socks with boots, and a heavy coat. My only thrill was the heated seat and steering wheel. But that did little to keep me from freezing.

I began to adjust as I waited for my scheduled appointment to fix it. On the day of my appointment, the sun shone brightly and the temperatures reached up into the forties. Even the winds had diminished. It felt like a heat wave on my twenty minute drive across town to the dealership.

When I arrived at the service shop, the gentleman informed me the loaner car was ready to go and that they turned on the heater ahead of time. I smiled, thanked him and jumped into the car. Instantly, I was hot. It felt like I stepped into the tropics and sweat began to trickle down my forehead. I quickly found the controller and shut off the heater.

For a brief moment, I wanted to stroll back into the service department and tell them, "No thanks. Who needs a heater anyway." Then I thought of the sixteen degree day and I shivered.
I pressed on the gas pedal and drove myself home.

Counting Down With Stress

A countdown to Christmas is a maddening adrenaline rush for most of us who try to cram everything in at the last minute.

Stress sets in as we realize there are only 4 shopping days left before Christmas. Yet, we still have to work and find someone to watch the kiddos while we rush to get those last few presents under the tree. Don't forget about the families that are expecting us to arrive on time with all that we so eagerly promised them we would do. Those promises included watching children, shopping, wrapping presents, baking, cooking, cleaning, planning out dinner and last but not least, sit and relax with the glass of eggnog we promised to bring.

Whew! I stare at the cookie ingredients I promised to make for the students in my child's class. All I want to do is curl up on the couch and watch a classic movie, "White Christmas" while sipping apple cider. But I made a promise to my son. I have no intention of letting him down. I pick up the recipe and begin measuring the ingredients. It doesn't matter that it is close to midnight. Tomorrow morning is when they are needed and I spent the entire evening organizing the rest of the week to come.

All in all, I guess it would be safe to say that next year I will do my best not to obligate myself into so many projects. However, it is a year away and I'm sure I said this last year too.

The Red Box Carjacking

The Christmas party was a smash hit. She was dressed to kill in her favorite black dress with fish net stockings and a pair of black stilettos. Her husband was still wired and ready for more fun, but she wanted a more comfortable route. "Honey, let's get a movie and snuggle up on the couch." How could he say no to his beautiful wife.

It was approximately 10:15 in the evening and the parking lot was scarce when he pulled up to the red box machine at Dillon's on their way home. Worried she would freeze, he left the car running and walked up to look at the movies. She looked around the parking lot and saw the party bus parked near the entry to the grocery store and then back to her husband, who stared at the machine. She smiled.

The car door opened on the driver's side and snapped her head towards the door. A woman in her mid forties jumped into the driver seat and said, "I'm gonna take your car for a spin to freak out my friends." She shifted the car into drive and pressed the gas pedal.
The woman wreaked of whiskey making the wife nauseous and a bit frightened. She wanted to scream but she was stunned by the bravery of this woman. She turned to look at her husband who was still intently looking at the machine. After a few minutes she heard people laughing and turned to see them running after the car.
Very casually she asked the woman, "So what's the occasion?"
The woman said, "Oh just a friend's birthday." The woman was nice and just letting loose so the wife decided to just go along with it. After all she had her seat belt on and could barely walk in the heels, let alone try to struggle with the woman in her dress.

The woman drove around the parking lot and pulled the car back near the Red Box machine. She put the car in park and put her hand on the wife's leg and rubbed it lightly. "Oh these stockings are nice. Thank you for letting me have some fun."

The wife laughed nervously. The woman opened the car door and stumbled out. Her friends, just as intoxicated as she was, picked her up while cheering her on, laughing. Immediately, the wife locked the doors.

A few minutes later the husband tapped the window. She jumped and unlocked the doors when she saw him. He smiled at her strangely and asked, "Honey, why did you move the car?"

A Drive With Mom

On a journey to go Christmas shopping, my mother decided to multi-task as she drove. That is a scary thing. As she handed me her phone asking me to text a friend, the car moved a little closer to the curb than I wanted to be. I kicked my foot forward and she laughed. She turned the station on the radio, talked on the phone and at one point tried to look for something in her purse. The entire time I was trying not to stomp on the invisible break or scream out. I sat straight in the chair frozen. When we arrived at the final destination, I jumped out of the car quickly. When we walked into the store, I was afraid to look in the mirror and see how crazy my hair looked after a terrifying ride like that.

A Letter to Santa

Recently my five year old son went to see Santa Claus. He told me he was asking for a hamster. I just laugh thinking NO! My boyfriend and I told him about the mess he would have to clean up with keeping a hamster.
He said, "Mommy you can clean it."
I laughed and shook my head. "Oh I don't think so. It's your hamster."
He walked up to Santa and sat on his lap. When he came back to me he said I asked for a stuffed hamster. I didn't get a chance to ask him why until this morning when he said he wanted to write Santa a letter and tell him he wanted the Zhu Zhu pet hamster. I wrote down everything he wanted to tell Santa.

Dear Santa,

I wanted a Zhu Zhu pet hamster so I don't have to clean up the mess. I love You...

True Love

After enjoying lunch with my boyfriend, I find myself drifting up into the clouds...

I know this relationship is not about needing companionship. That you could do with someone who is a good friend. This is about love. True love. I have always wanted to know what it felt like to be in love. It's glorious and amazing. I've never felt so comfortable with anyone. I never feel alone or insecure. The crazy thing, love is easy when it's right. And this love that we share feels so right.

Whenever I hear certain songs, the words just grab me. Phrases like I just can't take my eyes off you. Or you make me smile. There's also the one that says just one look... just one touch... just one kiss. In that one it shows my weakness. My longing to be in his arms and stare in his eyes. Let's not forget about the kiss that sets off fireworks.

This is just a touch of what love feels like in my heart. But it goes much deeper. The desire to never be apart. The moment I see a text or hear his voice my heart warms. Whenever a friend mentions him, I cannot keep from smiling and at times blushing.

This love I feel was worth the wait. I pray that everyone finds a love that feels like this.

Why is it so hard to deal with an "ex" spouse? Why do they constantly want to make you feel guilty because you just couldn't be happy together?

These are the questions that are plaguing my mind lately. I can tell you the issues that led to this lack of communication. My "ex" found out I had a boyfriend and I bought a house. I would say he's upset because I have learned happiness and it didn't include him. The worst part, there is a child in the middle who is getting hurt. He doesn't understand what's going on because I don't tell him. I simply just keep showing him love and continue teaching him the things he needs to know to better his future.

On occasion in the past, he would come home and tell me things that daddy said about mommy. One that cut to the bone was when he said, "Daddy says you tore up the family." Why would you tell your child that? I don't understand. How do I answer it? it's simple. I said Bubby, are you happy? he said yes. I said I'm happy too. Think how lucky you are that you get to play with mommy for a few days and then you get to go play with daddy... he smiled. Then he turned serious again and said Mommy I know you didn't tear up the family. He gave me a hug, said his prayers and went to sleep.

Every time I sit down to write anything that relates to my "ex" I hear his voice in the back of my head saying, "You did this. This is all your fault. Why would you destroy a family?"

The hardest thing for me is trying to hold it all together for the sake of a beautiful child. I don't want him to see any of this and I never meant to destroy anything. But how can you stay if you can't be happy? My son would see that. I'd rather him see happiness. Did I do this all on my own? Did I not try to communicate? I could beat myself up over this all day long, but then I would be miserable. And this wonderful child doesn't need to see me upset. I keep my focus on everything great in my life and I pray for my "ex" to find peace and to be happy for the sake of his child.

A Job Just For Me

Working at a gift shop can prove to be loads of fun. Here I get to help create gift baskets and make bows. That is something I have always wanted to learn and being creative is my middle name. Here I don't get to be the brains behind the creativity, but it gives me ideas.

With the holiday season here, I stuffed stockings full of yummy cookies and nuts. The glitter from the bows covered me from head to toe and I called myself a Christmas Elf. All I needed was funny shoes and a pointed hat!

This is one job that I love doing. If I could, I would work full time to create these lovely baskets, but I would have to give up working for the school. That I wouldn't want to do either. So for now I am enjoying being the Christmas Elf and singing carols as I stuff these stockings.

Decorating Christmas Style

With the holidays sneaking around the corner I am getting out the Christmas lights and all the fun decorations I have collected over the years.

My son and I have a traditional way of decorating. I start a fire, make hot cocoa, turn on the Christmas music and we sing the carols as we decorate the tree. I started something new this year by adding a real tree in front of the window that faces the street along with a lighted drive and lights on the outside of my house.

After we are finished decorating the tree, it's time for pictures by the tree and then Christmas movie favorites. Frosty the Snowman and How the Grinch Stole Christmas are the two we watch together. Last year I introduced him to my favorite, White Christmas. I was surprised when he curled up in my lap and watched it with me.

This is one of my favorite times with my son. It gives us that extra bit of quality time we need with each other. I will admit that we decorate our own trees, but I do let him help with mine. I just move my ornaments back where I like them.

A Park Adventure

A drive to the east side to pick up my brother for family pictures proved to be entertaining. After I picked up my brother he told me of his crazy dream he had the night before and I heard my son in the backseat ripping paper. I looked in the rear view mirror and ask him what he's tearing up and he shows me a magazine that I was throwing away. Since he was entertained, I didn't bother him. What I didn't think about was, where was he putting this paper he's shredding or was he just tearing the pages in half?

I pulled into the park still laughing with my brother. I opened the door and slid out of the car. A chill in the air picked up as the wind blew. I shivered as I opened Trenton's door. Then all of a sudden, SMACK! Several balls of wadded up paper hit me in the face. He shredded the pages and stuffed the paper in the pocket of the door. Quickly, I found a Dillon's sack and began cleaning it out. Just then another gust of wind blew and paper swarmed around me. I laughed as I rushed to gather the paper blowing across the parking lot as I am not one to litter.

I wonder what the spectators thought as they saw me chasing paper across the parking lot, all dressed up and in heels.

Video Game Corruption

I told myself over the years that after spending so many hours on the nintendo as a teenager, that my children would never get anything so ridiculous. Key word, NEVER.

Two years ago, I bought a Wii. My intentions were good. I thought that I would only play it when my son wasn't around and that the sports package was the only game I planned on getting because it was interactive rather than just sitting down pressing the A and B buttons. With the Wii you stood and tried to play physically. Then I introduced it to my son because it was great for the motor skills. But we only played the Wii when we were stuck inside on a cold or rainy day. I still felt very strongly that this was not a good choice for a daily basis. Kids need fresh air and a chance to run around, acting silly. When they are inside they risk breaking something where outside is freedom.

My plan had been working great until I introduced my boyfriend to Guitar Hero World Tour. He was hooked instantly. I on the other hand was bored of this one and wanted to go look for another Guitar Hero. We went to Game Stop and found the world of video games right in front of us. I did buy another Guitar Hero, but he bought Star Wars and Transformers.

Within a month, we now have a collection of games between us. Every time he comes over, we head for the Wii and guess who is playing Transformers next to my boyfriend? Yes you guessed it. My five year old son.

Moral of the story... Never say Never.

A Break For The Holidays

How do you know when teasing has gone too far?

I am guilty of teasing to a point that could make one wonder if I am teasing or not. Just recently I met my boyfriend's family. I noticed his ornery mood and I too felt a little ornery. I teased saying that I should put him on hold for the holidays and he laughed. He said okay on the 24th of December and I said oh no. If you're putting me on hold, do it on the 23rd. Don't ruin my Christmas. We teased back and forth and I knew we were joking. But were we?
As I teased back my mind began to wonder a little more deeply. Maybe he did need a break from me. I became slightly defensive. I tried not to show it, but if one had paid attention they would have known. My final comment was, well you can put me on hold however when you come back after the first of the year, I will already be snatched up by another. I began to realize that it had gone too far for me and I stopped. I didn't want to say anything more that could lead us into a major discussion.
Later that day when it was just the two of us walking towards the house, I slid my arm around his waist and said that maybe we shouldn't tease about taking a break for the holidays. He gave me a little squeeze and said okay. I looked up at his dashing smile and noticed the way the light hit his eyes. I felt like putty at that moment. He bent down slightly and we kissed.
We haven't teased anymore about putting each other on hold for the holidays. Instead, we talk about how much we love each other's company.

Meeting the Family

It's amazing how relaxed I was when I met my boyfriend's wonderful family. I hadn't seen such a humble pair in quite some time and now I look at them dreaming that the day my son brings a girl home, which I'm really lucky that won't happen for at least fifteen years (I hope!), that I am as pleased and excited to meet her.

I was greeted with open arms and welcomed in this home as I stepped into the living room. My belly was kept well fed, over fed, and my smile never left my face. I enjoyed talks in the den and coffee in the dining room. I laughed and blushed from time to time, never feeling more at ease in such a long time.

My son was welcomed with coloring books and cars and he too felt overwhelmed by such a wonderful gesture. Sadly his excitement got the better of him and he became a bit aggravated when I gave some instruction. I apologized and hoped my frustration hadn't shown. They simply said, "Leanna it's all right" and tried to ease the tense moment.

When we were loading the car, my son cried. I looked at him and asked why he was so sad. He said, "I'm not ready to go home. I want to stay longer." I hugged him tight and told him we would return again soon. He smiled and hugged them goodbye and on the road we were once again returning home. I understood my son's feelings. I too, wished we didn't have to leave yet, though we enjoyed three wonderful days. I cannot wait to see them again.