Have you ever woke up and said as of today whatever is meant to be will be?
That troubling thought pops out of your head and a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulder. You smile bright and see life in a whole new way.
Realizing that it is impossible to control every event in your life is no longer a burden. Yes, some things will weigh heavy on your heart at times. But not like it had been. Letting life flow freely when possible make it easier to put concerns in the back of your mind.
Now you can focus on the little things that have been calling your attention. Now you can read that book collecting dust on the shelf or start a new project.
This is where I find myself these days. Living as I can without letting things out of my control take over me. It's time to start tackling those tasks and dreaming of accomplishing my long term dreams.
Life is full of endless possibilities and I want to reach for the stars.

A Birthday Surprise

Today is a special day for my little boy. It's his sixth birthday! This past weekend, I wanted to surprise him with a special birthday. (Who am I kidding, I do it every year!) This year would be the year he finally would celebrate at All Star Sports. He begged throughout the year to have his birthday party there. And I finally caved.
Three days before the party day I told him I had a birthday surprise for him.
"Yay! All Star Sports!" He shouts.
I couldn't believe he automatically assumed that's where we were going. That was just too easy! I replied with a sly smile, "No. I thought you told me you wanted a gymnastics party at the Y."
"No. Gymnastics is for girls mom."
"Oh, no. I'm sorry baby," I said looking glum. "It's too late to get a refund now."
He sighs. "It's okay mom. I will go to gymnastics."

He bought it. Hook, line and sinker.
At school, I made the mom's of his friends promise me not to say a thing. They stayed silent while telling me I was cruel. Whatever! It's going to be a surprise that will have him excited when he finds out. Also, a reason to remember how surprised he was in years to come. Cruel... nah. Ornery... yes.

Saturday arrives and he is still clueless. We hop in the car and his excitement is building. We drive by the sports place and he says, "Look they're open now."
"They are," I say smiling. "Let's drive in and see how long they're open."
He watches intently out the window at the huge building. I'm sure he's thinking about the go karts and arcade games inside. As we pull away from the front I see his smile slip away. He really wants this party. We pull into a stall next to the exit and he looks at me with curiosity.
"What if I told you you're birthday party is here," I said grinning.
He looked surprised.
I nodded.
"Yes!" He shouts looking up to the sky shaking his fists in the air. "Hooray!"

Monday Morning Blues

It's Monday. Where do I begin? A fabulous weekend with the children makes it hard to get out of bed and get ready for work. I'm not ready to roll out of bed and begin another hectic week, but I must.
A morning cup of coffee while watching the clock tick too quickly. I have an hour and counting down before school starts. An hour and I will be running to get all that I can accomplished before it's time for work. I stretch my arms and try to motivate, but it's such a challenge this morning. Mondays are the worse.
The weekend came and went too quickly. All I have left is a pile of chores and an endless list of tasks to finish before week's end.
I keep my head up and think that the weekend is five days away and it will come fast. Maybe if I concentrate on catching up loose ends, Friday will be here in the blink of an eye.
Hurry up work week, I'm ready for family time this weekend.

People and Guns

Normally I would keep my composure about people owning guns. But once again, I feel an absolute distrust in the use of guns. They are supposed to be used for hunting and protection. But why should we have the need to protect ourselves with a gun? Because in most cases, the person coming to harm you is going to use one.
I have never felt comfortable around them. I have never shot one. I never want to. It was fun to think that one day I may go wild hog hunting. But would I ever do it? Probably not. Guns scare me. People with guns scare me. The moment that someone brings up the topic of guns, I get nervous. It was suggested that I should own one, but honestly what would I do in a time of crisis? If I were to aim the gun at a person that is trying to kill me, would I be able to pull the trigger? I'm not sure. I just hope and pray that day never comes.
My question, is why? Why is it that when tempers fly people say crazy things? They say they want to see you dead or wish you were dead. One day they plan to make sure you're dead. After awhile you begin to dismiss what they are saying because they have said it numerous times. Yet, in the back of your mind you are still concerned. Then one day, they make good on those crazy things they said repeatedly and it's too late for you.
So, why do we feel that guns are a great thing to own when there are people out there buying guns who should never have one?
Life is short enough.

The Hectic Schedule

Life has been crazy around here since school began. I have a monthly planner sitting in front of me. It's full of school events and my schedule to teach. It's also full of appointments and birthdays. It's not something I had ever planned on doing, but it's something I must have. I never wanted to be that person who had to look at a planner to figure out my week ahead, let alone each day. But with having three part time jobs, PTA, volunteer work, and normal scheduled events, like the dentist, I can't remember everything! The great news, my time with my son is still available. Luckily, he doesn't see how much running I do in an entire day. For all I know, he thinks I sit at home and play the Wii while he's in school!
Why do I have three part time jobs rather than one full time? That's easy. I want to do so many things in life and I have the time to do them. Plus I love each place of employment. Exercising is a healthy way to motivate me, so why not teach it? Creating gift baskets while listening to my Ipod is relaxing and fun. It can be very challenging getting those bows tied, trust me! And then my final job is working at the elementary school. It's also where I volunteer. My son lights up when I enter his classroom and that makes me happy. I love helping him learn as well as helping the students in his classroom. I love working with children. I love listening to their stories and encouraging them to learn something new. One day I hope to finish getting my Associates Degree and become a substitute teacher and one day possibly having my own classroom.

Unfinished Projects

With school in session, where do we begin to finish projects that have been waiting since the end of the last school year? I wish I could say there is a simple solution, but there isn't.
When summer begins, My family is ready for activities that are not scheduled. Like swimming and amusement parks. There's cousins to see and play dates with the neighbors or friends from school. How about a picnic or maybe just a day inside watching those favorite cartoons or shows you neglect during the school year. Perhaps the movie theater or bowling alley. Even those wonderful vacations or seeing those distant relatives.
I'm guilty of enjoying the summer. I would rather play in the sun than do something productive. Especially when my family is around. Outdoor barbecues, swimming, bowling, camping and fishing (sadly it was too hot this year!) are just a few of our favorite activities.
Whatever our excuse is for getting behind on projects, it leaves us with an overwhelming sense to get started again. I am blessed with two hours of free time each day whether it is morning or afternoon. It's time to get back in the swing of things and see what I can accomplish in these two hours of silence I have each day. With such a long chore list I should keep busy until next summer!

Bowling Spectacular

The last couple of weeks before school begins my son and I are tired of doing the same old thing. We swam at least four times during the week and almost every evening. I decided the week before school began that I wanted to take my son some place different. I called the bowling alley and found they had great summer specials. Why had I waited so long to take him? A seven dollar special bought us two hours of bowling and lunch. It only took me minutes to make up my mind. We spent the entire two hours laughing. He did a great job without the bumper rails, but decided he wanted them after the first game. He listened as I explained how to throw the ball and where to aim. He almost beat me, bowling well over one hundred three out of four games.
It was a blast! I can't wait to go bowling again!

A Sweet Ride!

During my time searching for a car to replace the old tired one, I saw a red with white striped Mustang GT for sale. All I ever wanted was to test drive an American Muscle car. Of course I prefer the Chevrolet Camaro, but would I dare test drive it? Oh no! But this Mustang was irresistible. I just had to hear it. The dealership handed me the keys and I giggled with delight. I put the key in the ignition and started this baby up. I drooled instantly as the engine purred. After buckling up I shifted the Mustang into drive and barely pressed on the gas. It knocked me all the way back in my seat and I let up on the gas, giggling. There was more power than I accounted for. I looked back at my son and he was in awe. I laughed.
I coasted out of the parking lot and out onto the street towards the highway. Once I hit the highway, I pressed on the gas. Instantly, she, the Mustang, took off. Unbelievable! I loved driving this car but I knew it was nothing but trouble if I bought it. It's too easy to speed and that's what I would do! I drove it back to the dealership and sat in the car listening to the engine idle for five minutes before I surrendered the key.
Sometimes at night I reminisce on that rush I felt driving the Mustang GT. Remembering the ease I felt behind the wheel. Wishing I could drive it everyday. A girl can dream can't she?

Cardio Certification

It was a sleepless night. I tossed and turned dreading the day ahead, Cardio and Step certification. After eight long weeks of training, going over each routine, listening to the beat of the music, finding the top of the phrase, learning the proper count, breaking down the count, cuing at just the right time and teaching it to others in training, now I have to show this to the director.
My nerves are on end and every time I fall asleep, I wake up thirty minutes later hearing myself counting. I cannot wait for tomorrow to come and go. My stomach is nauseous. I'm terrified I will not pass. I knew the steps. I knew the count. But with rattled nerves, I know I will forget.
I look at the clock. Time is moving slowly. I shut my eyes again trying to clear my mind. I need my rest because it will be a very long day. A day full of routines and practice. I clear my mind except for a song so sweet. Finally sleep is coming. I can feel it.
I jump up and look at the clock. Thirty minutes before my alarm. I might as well get up and get ready. I spent twenty minutes practicing the routines. Making sure to cue at the correct time. My confidence is building.
When I arrive at the studio, I'm happy to see many others are quite as terrified as me. The day is going smooth and time drags on. I'm tired from the practice and ready to take the practical, which is what they call our test. We still had hours to go before we can feel some relief. Right before lunch we are told the new routine that we will be tested on. It was different than we had studied repeatedly in training. I lost my appetite as well as my confidence.
After lunch we practiced a little more and learned some new routines. And then finally, the director announced it was time for the practical.
I took advantage of time by practicing until it was my turn, leaving me tired rather than nervous. I walked up to the director and smiled as I waited for the top of the phrase. I counted, I cued, I continued to smile. I went through the entire process in only a few minutes. She looked down at the paper, feeling out my scores. When she finished, she smiled and said to me, "YOU PASSED!" Hip Hip Hooray! I giggled.

The Special Day

My son and I love to have our special day. This is a day that only he and I can do activities together. Sometimes it's a picnic outside and plastic flutes filled with Sparkling cider. Sometimes it's a pizza with the works from Papa Johns playing Extreme Sports on the Wii. Another time we chose the movie Sandlot and made S'mores.
Whatever we chose for activities, we found this special day to be ours. This special day we have been doing once a week for almost two years.
My precious boy is beginning first grade this year and I want to make sure we don't forget to include our special day with the busy schedules that lay ahead of us. I feel that having a special day with my son is extremely important. A time for us to have fun without the stress of homework (for both of us!) and the day to day routines. Having a special day insures us quality time together. A chance to make memories. A chance for happiness when the world around us is overwhelming. I want my son to realize how much I care about him and how much I love him. With this special day which we call "Mommy and Bubby Day," I feel confident that our bond will continue to be strong.

Preparing For School

What an exciting day! The day before school begins. The last day to play all day. The last day to be wild and silly with my friends. The day I get to meet the teacher and see my classroom. The day I get to see my school supplies and pack them into my backpack. This is the longest day ever!
Time drags on, I'm too excited. I guess I should get my supplies ready for school. I looked at the list checking off my supplies. I sharpened my number two pencils and put it into my supply box. I packed everything I had into my backpack. It was almost too tight. I could barely zip it. That only took a minute or two.
I guess I could pick out what to wear on my first day. Should I make an impression wearing something nice or should I just wear play clothes and plan to get dirty? Will the other kids make fun of me if I dress nice or silly? My mom insists I should wear something nice. She wants to take pictures on my first day. She picks out my school clothes and hangs them on the back of my bedroom door. A brand new outfit she picked just for school. Too bad I didn't get brand new shoes to go with it.
A restless night lies ahead of me as the thrilling dreams play in my head. I'm terrified yet excited. I have a million questions. Will I know what to do or where to go? Will I like my teacher? Will my teacher like me? Will I make new friends? Will I find my old friends in my classroom again? What is for lunch? When is recess?
Yawn... I'm tired but I cannot sleep. If I sleep the night will go faster and the first day of school will be here. Yawn... I close my eyes tight but questions keep coming. Will I get to go to the library? What about P.E.? Oh I wonder if I have music this year! How do I make my mind quit talking! Maybe I should count until I fall asleep. 1... 2... Yawn... 3... 4... 5...Yawn... 6...ZZzzzzz

A Cycle Reunion

Recently our cycle room has been under renovation. For five weeks I didn't teach a single cycle class. Though I did teach Pilates and Muscle Pump, it didn't compare to cycling. My feet never raced as fast as they could and I never felt the energy flow strong. I missed cycling. I couldn't wait for the doors to reopen. Many nights, I sat in front of my computer thinking of class designs. How to be a tougher instructor as I waited patiently. And then the day came. The Grand Opening was here and I felt excitement rush throughout my body. I had a game plan to go in and rock the class I taught. I had a vision of sweat dripping off the participants and I giggled with delight.

Finally the day arrived and I went over my notes. I wanted to make sure everything was in order. I wanted it to be perfect.
I grabbed the keys and unlocked the door to the cycle room. I played with the lights and turned on the fans. I sat down and put on my cycle shoes. A couple of participants walked in and I greeted them. My heart began to beat faster. The excitement was building in me as I searched for the microphone and plugged in my Ipod. I looked at the clock. Ten minutes until I teach. More people entered the cycle room. A mother and her daughter, two faces I hadn't seen, walked in and looked at the bike with curiosity. They were new to cycle. After setting up their bikes and chatting freely, I walked back to my bike and adjusted it to fit me. I looked at the clock. I was giddy, it was time to begin.
I took them through the mountains, climbing and climbing. Sweat pouring off me and my heart beating fast and hard. We were fifteen minutes into the class and I realized how out of shape I was. We had forty-five minutes left. I had to make this time move faster so I began telling stories and asking if they were ready for school to start. Finally half an hour had passed and my legs kept going. As I talked, time began to move faster. We climbed another mountain and back down. Fifteen minutes left and I knew we were going to make it to the end. I didn't remember sweating this much in a cycle class. I took off my hat. I glanced in the mirror wanting to laugh. My hair was matted to my forehead and I could feel the sweat trickling down my back. I was drenched by the end of class. It felt wonderful when we slowed down and stretched. They too looked relieved for the class to end. I smiled at them and they smiled back. It was a great ride.
After class I went home, changed into my pajamas, ate dinner and then laid on the couch. I was fast asleep.

Yes! Happy Graduation! Writing school is complete and I am so... clueless! Where do I go from here? I have many stories that I have written and sent out into the publishing world. Discouragement sets in as I receive rejection letters. But I cannot give up. These short stories aren't as exciting as the novel series I am writing. That is where my heart waits patiently for it's chance to write that synopsis and start the search for a editor/publisher or better yet an agent. The synopsis should be the easiest thing to write after all I know my story inside and out. However it's the selling agent. Finding the peaks and characters most important can be grueling without knowing what exactly the agent wants to hear. With that said I am researching the synopsis and hoping that soon it will click inside my mind.

Just the other day I reached for my journal, opening it up to look at my last entry. It was three months ago that I wrote in it. So much had happened in the three months I didn't write and that saddened me. So many special moments missed. Now I won't be able to look back on them and laugh. I didn't want to stop writing, but I hit a peak time in my life that kept me from enjoying the things I loved most. Even now as I write this blog, I am stretching thin trying to figure out what I should write about. Once I was full of ideas and now I'm passionless. I let the outside world suck me into it's game of trying to keep up with the world. Is that a bad thing? No. I have accomplished lots. But now it's time to find a steady pace and indulge in the one thing that enlivens my soul - writing. I want to feel the passion I once felt and I want to bring it to you. I need to bring it to you, the reader. My vacation has lasted long enough and it's time to get back into the swing of things. How else will I ever get anything published if I simply put it aside?

Out With The Old Car

Recently, I decided that I needed a change in vehicles. My car was a 2003 Mercedes Benz. It had over 100,000 miles on it. Though it was luxury, it wasn't going to last forever and the services it would soon need would hit the checkbook pretty hard. I loved my car, but I couldn't afford it too much longer.
After a long diliberation, I decided to look at the sport utility vehicles. I fell in love with a Chevrolet Equinox until I test drove it. It was the basic model with no bells and whistles and the ride was rough. I would be tired of it in six months. I test drove the Traverse and fell in love. But it was more than my budget would allow me right now.
I no longer wanted the Equinox and I really didn't want a car. But my choices were limited. I tried to talk myself into the Equinox. Telling myself that after a couple of years I could get my Traverse. But who was I kidding? Whatever vehicle I chose, it would be my vehicle for at least five years. I had future plans of marriage and possibly a child. Money would be better spent on my future than a vehicle.
No matter how much I wanted a sport utility vehicle, I knew it was in my best interest to settle with a car. It was a depressing realization at first. I spent hours searching online, looking at body styles and learning about cars and their durability. Searching for the models that were inexpensive to maintain and as close to luxury as possible. No matter what I went with, I knew it wouldn't be as glamorous as my Mercedes. But at least it would be more economical. No longer would I have to use premium gasoline or synthetic oil. If something needed fixed, I had a choice of places I could take it, rather than just the dealership. With these pros, how could I stay driving such an expense?
I test drove several cars and found that none rose to my satisfaction except for the Chevy Impala. But still, it wasn't calling me. Until I saw an imperial blue 2008 model. I test drove it and I found comfort. It was a smoother ride than my Mercedes. Plus it had luxury of it's own and a place to hook up my Ipod, a feature that the 2003 Mercedes did not offer. The 2008 Chevrolet Impala was sportier than the newer models and sharp. The best part was that it only had 21,000 miles and a single owner.
When the test drive was over, I sat down at the cubicle and purchased something newer and something blue and I am proud to own this Chevy!

Family Time

Imagine squeezing fifteen people into a medium sized two bedroom apartment for a night of family fun. The ladies are in the tiny kitchen preparing the meat for the charcoal grill just outside the front door. The children are playing with balloons in the living room, squealing with delight as they try not to let the balloons touch the ground. Once the balloon falls, You're Out!
It was stuffy and humid inside, but our laughter filled the now claustrophobic room. We entertained ourselves with conversation and television until dinner was ready.
A pile of hamburgers and hot dogs stacked high on the serving platter and the aroma filled my nose. My stomach growled and my mouth watered as I waited patiently for my turn to fill my plate. It seemed an eternity before I tasted that first bite.
After a meal like this we all must play a game of bowling on the Wii until the children are restless and no longer interested in each other.
It's time to retire to our homes and curl into our beds for a nice heavy sleep until morning, dreaming of the happy and fun time we spent hanging out with our family.

One more hammer, one more nail until the room is complete. The room that was once a writer's dream is now becoming the guest room. The computer has been booted out after a year in it's own room and is being moved to the basement. A more fitting place for collecting dust. A corner that is ignored. With no little fingers dancing along the keys to make the computer hum, there is no need to take up an entire room. It is dark and empty where the computer now lays. The only noise is the low murmur of voices overflowing from up above. The rumbling of feet and tumbling sounds and laughter. Definitely laughter. Why is their no laughter with the computer these days?
The love that once was for the computer, is now excitement for the guest. What is it that this guest has that the computer does not? Why is this guest getting the attention the computer once had?
Questions build but no answers come. Only silence.

Dream A Little Dream

I am sitting in the lounge chair on the back deck of my Victorian style home, letting my fingers dance swiftly over the keys of my laptop, listening to the laughter of the children playing. I look up to see why they are in hysterics. My youngest of two years is running in circles trying to catch the bubbles from the bubble wands. The laughter escaping my precious baby makes me giggle. I can no longer just sit and watch. I close the lid on my laptop, place it on the table and run out to gather the little one in my arms. But he runs away from me laughing. A game of chase begins and when I catch him, I tickle him. My older son and daughter come running over to me and join in the tickling game. I am laughing begging them to stop when my husband rides up to the fence on his mare with a smile that melts my heart as it had the first day we met. I cannot take my eyes off him and he doesn't look away from mine. My smile is as bright as it is wide and my heart is bursting with happiness. I am so in love with him and I know he is just as crazy in love with me. Our daughter begs him to give her a ride through the pasture. How could he say no to his precious little girl? I know it's hard for me to say no. I help her over the fence and he helps her onto the horse and off they go. The boys and I play until they return. It's close to supper time. Time to play in the kitchen while my family enjoys the outdoors. I watch them out the kitchen window from time to time. I am so blessed and I thank the good Lord for all that he has done for my family. I couldn't imagine anything more precious and wonderful than the family the Lord has blessed me with. For this I thank the good Lord everyday.

Losing The Dream

A question arose only two nights ago... Where do I see myself in five years?

I tried to imagine where I would be, but my mind drew a blank. My heart beat heavy in my chest and I felt like I was being smothered. My eyes teared up as I tried to imagine my future. It was a simple question and I had no answer.

For the last two days I asked myself, where do I want to be? What is it that I dream? Did I lose my desire to dream?

No, I haven't lost my desire to dream. I just set all of my dreams aside to tackle the tasks in front of me. Then I gained a challenge and then another. As I set forth to conquer my challenges, I left my dreams fading away into the darkness.

This is not me. I am a dreamer. Life is filled with so many opportunities that now I am looking eyes wide open at my present life. I realize now that the challenges I am facing are part of my dreams. And as I conquer these challenges my dreams are closer to me than ever.

So what are those challenges you ask? I wanted to be a group exercise instructor, a writer, and I want to be a teacher .
This summer I have spent most of my time training to be an instructor. With one week to go and a certification, I will have conquered that challenge. I have been researching colleges and programs that I can take that will lead me to my Bachelor's degree. Beginning first with my Associates Degree of course. Today is the first day in many months that I sat down and wrote anything. I will make a goal to write a daily adventure into the unknown from this day forth. After all writing is my passion.