Separation Anxiety

Recently, I felt that my relationship ran deeper on my side. That was a killer because I had never felt love so deeply before. I know I have been wrapped up in this romance that has swept me off my feet. But how is it possible that we aren't on the same level?

It was Monday evening when I answered the phone.
"Hey babe, my phone's about dead. Just wanted you to know so you didn't wait up for my call..." Later in the conversation he says "I'm going to bed early and I'm going to sleep like a rock."

It cut deep into my heart, it was very hard for me to be without him after our weekends together. I felt alone and empty even though I had my son with me. I hated feeling this way because I am very independent, or at least I used to be. I told myself to knock it off. It's just one night and I would see him the next night for movie night.

I understood that in order for me to truly love him, I would have to miss him from time to time. We didn't need to be together every night. I also knew that my life had to revolve and not just around him. He is a wonderful man and I do love him. But I need to quit thinking of our time apart as torture. Being without him in the evenings and sometimes not hearing from him shouldn't bother me. It's the best time for me to get caught up on things I ignore when we are together. And time that I can have a little "Lyana time" to do whatever it is I want to do.

A Morning Visitor?

Oh my... will I ever get to sleep in again! We taught him many commands as of late and recently to "speak." I wanted him to bark when the doorbell rang or if someone knocked on the door. I also wanted him to let me know when he needed/wanted to go outside to do his business.
Yesterday morning I couldn't quite pull myself out of bed. Just too lazy though I was wide awake. Under the blankets is so warm and comfortable and with no lights I can rest.
I heard a knock at the door. I looked at the clock. 7 am. Who would be knocking on my door at seven in the morning? I jumped out of bed and walked into the living room, peeking through the window first. Nobody. I shook it off and started to walk back into my room when Texas, my pup, began to speak. I sighed and turned around to let him out of his kennel. His tail began thumping against the wall of his kennel. It was he who knocked!

This morning he began this wake up call at six fifteen. I didn't get up right away hoping he would go back to sleep. Then he began to whine and speak loudly. I jumped up because I didn't want him waking up my boy.

I'm beginning to think this Valentine's present of mine is training me!

A Manicure Moment

A day at the nail salon was just what my boyfriend's six year old daughter and I needed. A time to relax and have a little girl time. They were busy this Sunday afternoon which gave us plenty of time to choose our colors while we talked about school, cheer and of course my son and her daddy.
When it comes to polish I prefer just a clear coat on my nails but today she told me I should choose a color. A coral color shimmered at me, and I picked it up.
"That's pretty but you should get pink," she says with a smile.
"Pink? Me?"
She nods her head and giggles.
I sigh and give in to her precious smile.
She grabs a shade of pink and we begin the process of elimination, testing each shade on to the paper on the counter. After a good twenty minutes we have chosen our color. Mine was a blinding bright hot pink and hers was a glittery pink, not as bold.
We sit down and take a couple of pictures for my special photo album. She was getting anxious and couldn't sit still and I hoped they were close to calling us. Ten more minutes pass and suddenly she changes her mind about her shade of pink. With plenty of time to waste, we again test out a few more colors, including shades of blue and purple. In the end, she chooses the same shade she had in the beginning. I told her that and she laughs.
As we sit back down a gentleman comes up to us and guides us to his nail station. He begins working on my nails when she spots a color she just had to have... Purple! (Which is her favorite color.) Now I am wearing this bright pink alone!
The man working on our nails asked me if she was my only child. I answered him "Oh I wish she was mine."

We added a cute little flower on to her thumb nails and she beamed brightly. Her smile is so sweet it warms my heart. I can tell I'm going to have a hard time telling her no.

Though it took over two hours to get our nails done (and time flying by quickly too!)and me polished with a barbie fashion hot pink on my nails, it was one wonderful moment I spent with this beautiful young lady. I can't wait to have more opportunities with her like this.

A Child Of God

Over the last three weeks I have been troubled by events surrounding me. Unable to find solutions to the questions that plagued my mind for the last four months, I finally turned to God. For three weeks I went to morning mass asking questions to the Lord, asking for forgiveness for my sins. My guilt had buried me in a sea of mess. I prayed that I would find strength and reason for my overwhelming guilt.

This morning, it hit me while praying the rosary before mass. My reasons of guilt had been answered and I was gaining strength to face my situation by the minute. I feel certain that the Lord had been trying to tell me. But in my guilt I couldn't hear him.

I am thankful for so much in my life and I understand that living in the past will not help the foundation I'm building to strengthen. That through prayer and our Lord's love, I can continue on the path he has chosen for me.
I am a child of God and always will be.

A special Valentine

My son had received a wonderful Valentine card in the mail from my boyfriend's sweet mother. In it she included a little cash to buy him whatever he wants. Cars or trains is the answer for him. As I thumbed through the rest of the mail I saw that I too had a card. No return name listed. I opened it up and read the wonderful words inside it.
Thank you for putting a smile on his face and making him happy again... We love you, sign his mom and dad.
I choked up that she would think to send me a special card thanking me for the man I have come to love. I sent her a note in return telling her that he has kept me smiling these last seven months and thanked her for welcoming me so kindly into their family.

How did I get so lucky? How did we find each other at just the right time in our lives? Did fate pull us together?

Yes, I am extremely lucky to have a man who loves me for me and I know our love will last our lifetime.
The Lord has a plan for each and every one of us. I will always trust in our Lord.

Snowball Fun

Oh my goodness! What fun it is to play in the fluffy white snow! My son and I are bundled up warm as can be. The puppy is extremely excited too! We join my boyfriend, who has kindly shoveled the snow off the patio, outside for a little snowball fun. The snow is as high as my puppy's belly and he is still able to run through it.
My son and I began packing snow for a snowball fight. My belief... that we would attack the boyfriend. I was mistaken. My precious angelic boy throws a snowball directly at my face as I am packing a snowball. The good news, he is only five and doesn't know how to pack a good one yet. I laugh and throw one at his back. It bursts into fluff as it hits his back. By then the boyfriend is on full attack. He is running straight for me with a devilish smile. I am running backwards laughing and throw one at him. My feet come out from under me and I land on my back in the snow, just as my son takes a dive into the snow landing face first. When he stands he is crying from the cold snow that covers him completely including his face. We had been out here for more than thirty minutes throwing the snowballs and laughing uncontrollably. I know that it's time to go in and make him a warm bath. It's dinner time anyway and the sun will be fading soon.

What a fabulous snow we have had the pleasure of having. Though it is bitter cold (to me) it is worth the fun we have in it. Task for tomorrow is build a snowman!

Don't Wake Me I'm Dreaming

I wake up after a pleasant dream thinking of my beloved. Longing to be in his arms as my heart aches for him. It is still dark outside. I stare up at the ceiling and let out a long sigh. "Oh where is my beloved Romeo?"
He is miles away and with the depth of snow I mustn't travel. I would freeze, fall to my death before I reach him. I force myself to close my eyes.. If I were in his embrace, I would fall fast asleep to his soft sweet kisses and the sweet nothings he whispers in my ear.

Our love is forbidden by the ones with power. The powerful ones only wish to see us fall to pieces. I cannot let that happen for he is my true love. One day the sun will shine again. One day I will cover him with kisses as I tell him my heart. He will take me in his arms and tell me his love is devout. He will make me his wife and I will have his children. I will love and honor him for the rest of our days and he will do the same.
I smile now as I am drifting to dream of my handsome Romeo. I dream of his smile. I see the light in his eyes. I shiver at his gentle caress on my hand. His arm wraps around me and his breath is near my ear.
"You are beautiful my Juliet. I want to keep you forever."
I wrap my arm around his neck and reach up to his ear and whisper, "I am yours, Romeo. I will love you always with my whole heart."
His lips brush along my cheek until his lips meet mine. I am weak. Our passion flows deep in our kiss and I know our love is true.
Don't Wake Me I'm Dreaming...