The day started off horrible. I woke up late and rushed into the bathroom to take a shower. My favorite conditioner had run out so I had to use one that left my hair feeling greasy and limp. I tried to slip into my jeans but they were too tight. I tried on three other pairs before I gave in and wore the loosest of the tight jeans I had. The shirts I had made me feel and look lumpy. Never mind curling my hair or putting on makeup because it was just one of those days. And yet it was Valentine's Day.

I remembered my husband's words that morning as I wished him a happy Valentine's Day on his way out the door. 

I thought we were celebrating tomorrow.

All I said was Happy Valentine's Day. I knew we weren't doing anything special. It was his night with his daughter. But still, I hoped he would be jolly and tell me something sweet on his way out. But that didn't happen. Even my son woke up grumpy. What a way to start the day.

We made it out the door a couple minutes behind schedule but thankfully we made it. The weather matched my mood with a hint of gloom. But today, I knew the sun would come out and I chose to shine as well.

It was almost lunchtime when I was told to go into the office. I panicked wondering if my son was in trouble or that something else was wrong. When I walked into the office, the secretary smiled and looked at a beautiful bouquet mixed red roses and calla lilies with a card leaning against with my name on it.

"That's yours," she said sweetly.

My first instinct was shock and then I felt a huge relief and wanted to cry (happy tears). Instead, I smiled and giggled. As I left the office, I read the first two lines of the card on my way back to the classroom and had to stop as tears stung my eyes. The card was more beautiful than the flowers ever could be. I didn't expect anything from him nor would I ever. He didn't forget me on this special day not that I thought he ever would.

All I needed was a simple I love you and a kiss on the cheek to make my day and he went above and beyond as always., making a horrible day turn into a wonderful day full of sunshine.

"Again?" I asked myself as I saw the antivirus check come up on my laptop.

While it booted up, I made a cup of coffee to enjoy as I blogged. However, it didn't look like I would get the chance yet again. For the last two weeks, every time I started to blog, my laptop has decided to do a system upgrade or a scheduled virus check.  I have tried to enable the scheduled check many times and spent many hours frustrated when I didn't get a single word typed. It's as if the computer is on strike! Yet it's just a computer. And then I have to ask myself, who set up the time for the scheduled virus check? I sighed. It was I who set it up for a two in the morning system check back in 2009. Since then, I have gotten married, gained a great job, and decided to publish a manuscript. Since then my brain has kinda... forgotten some old rules in computers and networking. I will admit now that I'm not as computer savvy as I once was.

I will also admit that I have been much too distracted. I have many lame excuses for not blogging as of late and one really good one. Turning my manuscript into a novel has really kept my attention along with reading a really good series. It seems that every time I start to blog, something got in the way; including sleep and my son waking up way too early. It's not easy writing a blog with a munchkin who has so much to say as soon as he wakes!

And here he comes now, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!

The First Fishing Trip

Taking the children fishing for the first time turned out to be more adventurous than I thought it would be. It was down right exhausting even with two adults working together to handle their needs. It was a constant battle back and forth to keep everything in order. As soon as the worm was on one hook, it was time to bait the next. Teaching them how to cast carefully was another part. As soon as one line hit the water, there was a bite. The shrill moment of catching a perch that fit a palm, lasted for a second. The second child casts, but gets their line stuck in the tree. While the perch is being released back into the water, the line is released from the tree. And then time to bait the poles again. The children were separated, one on each side of us, so that they didn't cross lines as they cast out into the lake. Another bite for one child and a little grumbling from the other child who has only caught a tree. After a few minutes he gets a bite! He's so excited that he flings his line out of the water, hooking the fish good. He listens as I teach him how to reel the line in with his perch dangling at the end of it. At least now they have both caught a cute little perch too small to eat.

After awhile things simmered down and my husband's line finally touched the water. It didn't last long before the children grew hungry and bored. They ate their chicken and played in the dirt, forgetting all about fishing. We packed up as they grew restless and headed home. After our three-hour-adventure, they were exhausted and happy and begged to go fishing again the next weekend!

Believing In Dreams

What is it about dreams that keeps you yearning for more? What is it about dreams that give you a glimpse of the future and yet does it really? How can you deny de ja vous? How can we tell if its part of our future or just a wishful moment?

My husband and I tend to differ on what our dreams mean. He believes it's just our subconscious working overtime and yet he cannot deny that some of his dreams gave him a glimpse of his future. One happened to be me. He had a dream right before he married his blonde girlfriend of three years that she wouldn't be his wife. Another woman with long brunette hair stood at the alter with him. He never understood it at the time. Many years later, I became his wife and it clicked in his mind. Yet again, that all depends on your interpretation.
I don't believe that all dreams stand for something to come. However, I do believe that our good Lord above sends me answers through my dreams.
I dreamed of a baby boy before I knew I was pregnant. I never went to see what I was having and I dreamed that he was a boy throughout my pregnancy. Today, I have a precious seven year old son. I dreamed about each of my pregnancies as I became pregnant and I also dreamed of the miscarriages right before they happened.
About fifteen years ago, I dreamed of coming home on a Greyhound bus from a vacation wearing my red sweats and feeling weary. I laughed. Several months later and after a two week vacation in Key West, the car broke down and I found myself on a Greyhound bus wearing my red sweats.
That's just a few moments in my life that something has stimulated through my dreams. I have regular occurrences. So many times it has sent me warning and when I acknowledge it, I understand.Perhaps because I feel I am close to God that theses dreams happen. Perhaps it's the Nezperce or Cherokee Indian in my blood. All I know is that I believe messages come through dreams just as well as through the mail, phone and/or email. I cannot deny that most of our dreaming is just our subconscious working overtime. Sometimes though, it has truth either plain to see or hidden deep inside them. I love waking up and trying to analyze what my dreams may mean.

Today there's not much to say. I'm still in dreamland. Not that I'm sleepy, but that I had a dream of a house and a future I am eager to begin. The house was interesting with it's endless doors down a hallway that never seemed to end. The upstairs was filled with bedrooms and the basement was a replica. Disappointingly, the kitchen never came into view and that matters most alongside the amount of bedrooms the house will provide. The house seemed humungous yet average size. It was mysterious and comforting at the same time. A feel of home yet a strangeness too. Perhaps it was just an unfamiliar place to call home. Yet a place to learn to feel welcome though I felt welcome when I walked passed the threshold. The warm tones of the house filled my heart with joy. I couldn't wait to move in and unpack the boxes.  But as in dreams, there's always something strange that happens to make you wake. As I explored deep down in the basement, a group of people sat around a table discussing the purchase of the house I had wandered into. I jumped as it startled me and woke that very moment. Perhaps that's not the house in our future. Yet it gives me that thrill of looking for the future house that would be just right for our family.

A Peek Into The Future

She stared at the fire wondering how it got to this point. She loved spending time with him, but now he wanted a relationship. Why would he push her into something serious so soon? It was just one kiss after several months of hanging out. She just found her freedom and the last thing she wanted was to lose it all over again. However, she didn't want him to walk out of her life forever. That was his style. No games. But, she wasn't playing a game. She laughed every time they were together. They were the best of friends and friendship was the most important thing to her. She couldn't lose his friendship. But a relationship? She just wasn't ready. Was she? To make matters worse, their fight last night ended with him walking out on her and their friends. He refused to answer her texts. Their friendship was over and she didn't understand why. He never once gave her an inkling to why he was so upset with her. All she wanted was to keep things as they were. Their first kiss, an amazing kiss that warmed her inside, was only two nights before their fight. Their first kiss opened up possibilities of a relationship, however nice and slow was her pace. She had built walls around her heart and refused to tear them down so quickly. Yet, she was hurting now. She needed him. He made her smile. They laughed until tears rolled down her cheeks and talked for hours on end.
When they went dancing, she danced with no one else and snuggled deeper into his arms when the song slowed. His embrace was warm and inviting. She remembered him telling her that her smile was as beautiful as she was. She looked up at him, blushing. He brushed her cheek and bent his head down as she reached up and their lips met as they slowly danced around the dance floor. Their kiss lasted an eternity before someone bumped into them. He laughed as she giggled and they continued to dance the night away. They kissed only the one kiss that happened at just the right moment. She wanted to kiss him again, but that crossed boundaries and she wasn't ready. Or was she?
She stoked the fire with tears lining her cheeks. She was afraid to love him, yet she knew she did. And now he was gone forever. There was no way to get him to respond, especially now that he was leaving town for the week. He would forget all about her in that week. If she couldn't get him to respond before he left, their friendship would end.
She looked at her phone. "One last text," she sighed. "Please talk to me. It cannot end this way."
Maybe he will respond, however, most likely it's too late. "Lord, let him respond," she whispered as she stared into the fire.

With a glass of sweet tea in her hand, she walked out onto the deck and sat in her favorite chair to watch the sun hide behind the trees. Her favorite time of night was when the wind began to chill and leaves swirled straight up in front of her and then scattered across the yard. The dry air begged for moisture though there hadn't been any in over a year. Sweat beads formed over her entire body as she sat waiting for the sun to lower. What she would give for a break from the smoldering summer heat. She closed her eyes and wondered if the rain would ever fall again. She dreamed of the wet drops soaking through her clothes and hair as she danced through the rain with thunder booming overhead. She giggled. A darkness fell over her closed eyes and she immediately opened them and smiled. A humungous dark cloud had rolled across the sky covering the sun with a promise of rain. She hoped this time the cloud would not tease her. The winds picked up and she shivered. The wind grew colder and blew harder by each minute that passed by. The cloud seemed to be making good on its promise. The sun peeked out from behind the cloud and the warmth returned. Disappointed, she looked up at the sky with a pleading look in her eyes. Another cloud rolled across the sky hiding the sun. Within minutes the entire sky grew dark and a beautiful array of pinks, blues, and purples ran along the horizon. The winds picked up speed and she heard a soft rumble. The rumble grew louder but still a serene sound. A wet drop hit her arm. She couldn't believe it. And then another smacked her forehead. She stood up and a rush of drops covered her instantly. She ran out in the yard laughing as the rain poured down on her. She danced merrily as the thunder gained a deeper voice. Lightning struck a tree near by and she ran onto the deck quickly. The storm grew with intensity bringing hail stones the size of golf balls to beat upon anything it felt. She ran for cover inside the log cabin house. The lights went out. She shrieked! She blindly reached for the wall and found her way into the bathroom and felt for the candle on the counter. She felt for the drawer and opened it, fumbling to find the lighter. Finding it, she lit the candle and carefully walked into the living room as to not spill the candle wax onto the hardwood floor. She sat watching the storm through the flickering candle light until she fell sound asleep.