Bringing in the new year the best way ever, sitting in front of my laptop clicking away at the keyboard of my best friend. It may sound crazy to you, but I find that this is the safest yet most creative thing that I can do tonight. I'm having my champagne, celebrating along with you, and all of those characters building in my head. There's just not that much room for much more. They say you should celebrate with the one you love, so yes, I'm doing this right. I love writing, as it's my way to feel alive and speak freely and tell a tale. I want to make the most of my life and here's to the beginning of a new year...

A toast to you and the New Year! Cheers!

Team Vampire

I am no fan of Team Jacob, nor do I stand by Team Edward, alone. I am Team VAMPIRE.

I walked into one of my favorite department stores and saw a shirt with the perfect definition of Vampire. A mythical being that feeds on the existence of living creatures. Yes, that's not my favorite part, but then it goes on. A reanimated spirit with years of added wisdom and pleasures of a perpetually youthful body, which I would love to have throughout my existence.



I like the idea of a vampire with his seductive personality and his witty charm. To gaze into his alluring eyes, willing to let my guard down, is so natural. This dangerous creature can only prowl at night, having to hide away from the sun so as not to burst into flames. That he is only cold until he quenches his thirst from the vein pulsating along the neck of that beautiful youthful victim, warming him inside adding color to his cheeks.
My, he sounds dreamy and yet I have more to tell. My vampire is clean-shaven, because the hair doesn't grow on his polished skin, yet he never loses the silky smooth hair on his head, if he had hair at his awakening, or transformation. A bald vampire would be just as sexy, enhancing his beautifully shaped muscular body. To be held in his arms would be a fantasy come true as he is intelligent from all his years of living, built, strong, charming, and seductive.
I would love to have a perfect complexion and a stunning body, a pair of eyes that captivate the opposite sex and a way to charm the most fascinating person of my interest. I would say vampires have it good, though they can never die, but yet they could sleep for a century if they wanted.
Too bad they are fictional characters, because I wouldn't mind crossing paths with one, however, I would keep my scarf on tight over my neck.

Christmas Morning

It was three in the morning when I heard my little four year old rustling around in his bed. I began praying, please no please let him go back to sleep. Too late. Thump thump thump and down his slide he went. I listened as I heard him sigh loudly in the hallway and then my favorite words came out of his mouth. "Santa turned the lights back on?" He walked towards the living room as I struggled to get out of bed, throwing on my robe and met him by the dinette table, he beamed as he saw his stocking and noticed the plate of cookies empty and then he said it... "Well where's my DS?" Oh my, I thought. Over confident about that one gift he told everyone about. I wanted to burst into laughter, yet I held back and pointed to the Christmas tree. He didn't see it at first and then, he drew in a breath as he reached out and picked up his DS, which is actually his leapster LMAX. But he does believe it is a DS and who am I to tell him any different.

The Night Before Christmas

The night before Christmas and all through the house, only I am still stirring, thank goodness for no mouse...

Merry Christmas and have a jovial start to the blizzardy morning ahead.
I cannot wait to hear the words my excited four year old will say when he sees the gift from Santa. He is worried about coal in the stocking after his behavior this last week. Tonight, he did everything he was supposed to in hopes Santa would notice, and notice he did.
If only I could have something to use everyday to get him to brush his teeth, eat all of his dinner, clean up the mess at the end of the day, and share his toys. He did all that plus more this evening, including listening to an email from Santa on his portable north pole connection (PNP). I enjoyed reading The Night Before Christmas, as it's one of my favorites and laughed as he dove into his bed. So excited, he couldn't sleep at first, though he was tired from all the playing with his cousin in the afternoon. He did fall asleep quite quickly, and will probably crawl into my bed here in an hour. I relished in television as I dreamily watched Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye in White Christmas, my all time favorite Christmas movie. Now off to bed so I can make biscuits and gravy and yummy scramble eggs for my family in the early hours and open up some Christmas gifts! I want nothing yet can't wait to see what I got... such a hypocrite I am... hee hee

I really meant to write just a short Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night, but I found myself yet again rambling on about something.

The Gift of Giving

I woke up, yawning dreading the day, as the weather's supposed to be horrible. I received a call that normally I would frown upon, but this morning it was a dream come true. I would have my four year old son with me on Christmas Eve. Oh how chipper I became, jumping into the shower and singing "Have a holly jolly christmas..." Be thrilled you weren't here to hear it. I dressed excitedly and then changed back into my pajamas as my son rubbed his eyes walking towards me. I swept him up into my arms and held him tight kissing him on the cheek and singing to him. He giggled and joined me as I began "Jingle Bells". I said, Trenton, today we are staying in our jammies and going shopping. Boy, you would have thought the sun burst out with eighty degree weather. "Yea," he says and jumps down out of my arms and straight to the fridge. Chocolate Strawberry milk and an omelet being served. He ate it all, very shocking I might add, and said "Let's go let's go let's go!" As I put on my shoes I began telling him my little idea. A little gift for everyone to go along with the gift I had already gotten them. I'd tell you more about it, but they may read this blog and find out what I'm doing. Hee hee, I'm being devious as always, though I doubt they suspect. Back to the story. As I tell him my plan he starts telling me he's going to buy a really big gift for one of my very best friends and then of course his friends should get another gift too.
I sat him on my lap and said "Honey, that's so sweet, but we've already exchanged gifts with them and Mommy doesn't have much money to buy those bigger gifts right now. We're just adding something small." We hug and he walks into his room. I thought he was putting on his shoes until I heard the jingle jangle of his Monster truck money bank. Before I could say a thing he walked in with his wallet full of change and handed it to me.
"Mommy I don't have a pocket."
"No worries, I have my purse, but Trenton, why do you need this?"
"You can use my money to buy the gifts."
"Oh honey, you don't have to do that, why don't you put your money back in your bank."
"No, I want to help."
I had to give in to the battle as he is a bit stubborn like me, but I'm not arguing with a four year old. I thought I would cry at this point, because my precious little boy wasn't stingy with his money, that he was willing to spend every dime on somebody else. The gift of giving...
In the end after he fought me about using his money, he forgot about it. And it's suggled back into his money bank.

WHO AM I?

With her humble nature, supportive attitude, and never-ending ability to make me laugh, I find this dazzling brown haired beauty to be a true friend. Her smile shows off her deepened adorable dimples and the light that beams in her large blue eyes, could persuade you to do just about anything.
It's hard for me to say she is shy, but she is until you get her a Mango Passion or a glass of Riesling, then she comes alive and a bit flirtatious, peeping out single guys that she thinks I may be interested in.
She listens to me ramble about story ideas, and keeps me motivated when it comes to my dreams, telling me that I need to buy her a vacation home the day I become famous.

So, who am I to Lyana?

Apology

I would love to take this time to apologize for my lack of writing. I wish I could tell you that I have a great excuse, but I don't. I've honestly been just flat out lazy when it comes to blogging, not to mention "fa la la la la," Christmas.
Here's just a quick update on what I've been doing since the last time I've blogged. I've finished a round of edits on my first novel and began the sequel. I have the query letter finished and am revising my synopsis. I think I'm ready to take that blind step out into the writing world. I also enrolled in another writing course, creative writing. I hope that I learn more about short stories so I can submit some into the millions of contests out there.
I wanted to find an interesting way to blog. My blogging is usually so deep and too familiar which makes it easy to write, but that's not always fun. I've decided to do something different for me, I want to relax just a bit and have some fun. Once I get the hang of it, I'll step it up a notch. Get ready for something abnormal for me, yet so me...

A desire for love

A change in my life began six months ago, actually longer than that, but six months ago I moved out and into this house. I am not complaining that the rooms are small or that there's no place to put my kitchenaid mixer, no I'm not complaining at all. Right now what I feel is a loss. I look around at what my friends have and realize, I don't have that. How lucky are they to snuggle up at night next to the one they love. I want that, I truly do. I want to know that there's somebody out there ready to love me for me and want me for me. I don't care what I look like, that's not attractive to me. What's attractive is having that special someone to see inside my heart and mind. To not be intimidated, and willing to commit to me. Who doesn't need love, seriously. I know I do. My friends say, but you were just sprung free, why would you want a relationship? Well , maybe all I have ever looked for is love. So I'm free, it's not the best thing ever. It is better than where I was, but it's not the best place to be. I am ready for love to find me, to hit me hard and show me how to unleash my love, as it's yearning to find that one special person.

The Power to Leave

I love Halloween! Always filled with ghosts and goblins and vampires and wait! What happened to the vampires this year? I would think with all the hit movies, tv series, and books, it'd be a vamp night for sure. Well, this was my first Halloween party and it was a blast. I couldn't wait to show them all my costume and equally excited to see what they came up with.

While I played my role, the 1920's Flapper, Clara Bow, I saw something I wished I hadn't seen. I went outside to converse with a few friends, and a woman from across the street starts slamming her screen door against the house. At first I didn't know what to make of it, until she dropped to the ground. She stood and walked a few circles and threw herself back on the ground covering her eyes with her hands and I knew she was crying. I've been through this before. She was a victim of domestic violence. Though we worried what would happen to our party, we called the police and told them what we knew.

So, a man hits a woman. Why? What could make him so enraged that he has to hit her? Why? What did she do? Did she make a sarcastic remark? Did she snap back at him? This I cannot handle well. I, too, have been hit by a man before. What made him do it, you ask? Let's see, I was upset that he came home drunker than a skunk at four a.m with no consideration for me. Did I deserve to my head slammed down on the ground? or to be head butted? No. It was uncalled for. Violence runs thick amongst us, and I really don't like it. When a man hits a woman, I think she should leave. I did. But, not at first. I was terrified to leave. I had no idea what would happen to me, if I left him. So like a fool, I forgave him and stayed with him for a very long time. I stayed because, he apologized. I stayed because he said it would never happen again, which it did not for a few years. In those few years, he didn't lay a hand on me, but mentally abused me instead. I believed I was nothing, and would never amount to anything. No one would want me, because I was worthless, unattractive, and ignorant. Wow. Did I just actually admit that? Well, I'm not. I am worthwhile, confident, and I think that I am intelligent. This is how everyone should feel about themselves. There is no reason to degrade yourself, or stay with someone who is negative towards you. There's a life out there full of people who will love you for who you are. You don't have to be a rocket scientist or a doctor. You may not have finished high school because of certain circumstances. Just know, you are beautiful and don't listen to the ones who want to knock you down. Don't stay because you believe you have no other option. Stay because you are happy and cherished and put on that pedestal. They will always tell you it will never happen again. Always. And sometimes it never will.
I had a second incident that happened while he was intoxicated, one that almost took my life in front of all our friends at a bar. They begged me to press charges, but I didn't. Again, I forgave him and nothing happened for another eight years. He quit drinking. But he was still manipulative. I still felt I could never amount to anything and if I left him, that I would never make it on my own. Of course I stayed, I was in love, but I was the only one in love. Here's what put me over the edge. I had an eighteen month old son, very energetic I might add, and I was stressed beyond all. I had been helping run a communications business from home, while trying to be very attentive to my precious boy. I was burnt out. I had just made a couple of friends in a mother's group, which I highly recommend if you feel alone, so I still really didn't know how to socialize quite yet. Well, he asked me to stop what I was doing and go type up a document. I could feel his tension, which in turn rose mine. I was afraid he would snap anytime. So I went upstairs and began working on this document, trying to type it very quickly, as my son was anxious and screaming for attention. I stopped typing and quickly took him out of his office so my long term boyfriend wouldn't get angry. I sat down, began typing where I left off, when he says "ok, I'm finished." Why did he ask me to type it, if he was going to? Well, I said, "Great!" and slammed the mouse down, grabbing my son and headed downstairs. He went nuts. My heart started pounding and I flew quickly down the stairs, tossed my son in his room, and locked his door so he couldn't get out and jumped into the bathroom. I wasn't quick enough. He tore the door out of my hands and his enraged eyes terrified me, I screamed. I'm not sure how I got passed him. I could hear my son screaming, wanting out of his room. I tripped and fell to the ground. I turned to see him throw the table out of his path, hitting himself in the leg. This only enraged him more. Inside, though I was terrified, I smirked. I couldn't get myself up off the ground but tried to scoot very quickly away from him. He hovered over me and threatened, not my life but my sons. Telling me to learn to control him, pointing his finger just inches away from my face. I kept my head up high and stared back into his eyes, waiting for the blow. If he was going to hit me, I would take this one with hatred, and let him see that. To my relief, it never came. But the damage was already done. As soon as he went upstairs and began destroying the office, I gathered my son and dashed out the door. I threw him into my car and drove down the street. But I had nowhere to go. I didn't have anyone to turn to. I felt alone as I cried, trying to figure out what I would do. I knew he'd never let me leave. If he did, it would be with nothing. I sat in the parking lot and tried to think of some options. Any option that would get me out of this mess. But, I couldn't come up with any. So, I went back. I went back and put my terrified son down for a nap, went upstairs and apologized for my tantrum. I could see it hurt him, to do what he did. So I stayed. I wanted out so badly, that I made it a point to make a friendship work. I joined Mothers N More and made many many friends. I had places to go with my son, and had other mothers to talk to. They saved my life. I made things work at home, putting myself in la la land and life was bliss. It became so easy to pretend there was nothing wrong and I slowly began to focus on staying out of the house with positive people. I hated going home, because I never knew what the evening would be. But, he came home later and later. I began overflowing myself with activities and had a sitter when I had to fulfill one. I began to forget the man that lived in the house with me. Just a roommate and a friend.
Well, it was a year later when his tension was building from the pressures of his job. I was terrified and threw myself down on the computer and began writing. I got lost in my writing and ignored everything around me. Everything. Anything would set me off. I was terrified, knowing that he would explode soon. I prayed to the lord that evening, "Show me a sign Lord. Show me a sign leading in the right direction." I told myself that if he explodes one more time I'm gone. And it happened. He was angry and yelled at me, throwing the remotes at the patio door, then stomped off to bed. I shook as I walked up the stairs to the office and began cleaning out the drawers. I stopped long enough to write a letter to him and cleaned out that room til morning light. It was my sign to go.
I was afraid to leave and be out on my own. I hadn't had that opportunity in seventeen years. I left with no idea what it would be like out in the world making my own decisions which, by the way, is absolutely wonderful. I have never been happier, feeling at ease walking around my house. Yes, my own place. I'm not going to tell you that it was easy. But, I now have the ability to make a life of happiness. I didn't need to run into another man's arms for security. I have my son and I'm his security blanket. That is most important to me. Having my freedom is also just as important. That freedom is relief from walking on egg shells. So, don't stay because you can't make it out there. I know you can. It's not a walk in the park, but a new adventure getting your feet wet. Domestic Violence happens way too often, and always will. Just be strong and remember you are important.

Fangtasia Night

Last night I ventured out to Fangtasia night at the Shadow. I couldn't believe how much work they put into that place for a chilling thrilling weekend. I only wish I saw more vampires! Every room, every inch was decorated, from dripping wax candles and black rose centerpieces to spider webs, even having true blood on tap. Oh, that was yummy! O negative was just my flavor. They had Shadow dancers as well.
I had seen so many wonderful costumes including the Oxy man. I had to have a picture with every awesome costume. I know Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze Chip N Dales (Saturday Night Live skit) were there. Also, I believe it was the bounty hunter, not to mention Brett Michaels and Slash, a couple of vixens, plus a taco. Yes, A taco arrived with a man dressed in a pancho and sombrero. Also, a jayhawk fan in his pajamas. A couple of escapees and a police officer. Too bad no fire fighters. I was a flapper, Clara Bow. Should I be proud of that? Why sure, it's not like I truely am her. The rumors about her are quite interesting.
My short red dress with it's sequenced belt, was a hit. I love props, so of course I made sure to get the long cigarette holder and carry around a drink all night. Though it was hard at times, those long black gloves were quite slick. I also had a red headband and a feather for my hair. Why stop there, right? I wrapped my hair in a bun on my left side and left a few curly strands loose on the right. My shoes were thick closed toe black heels about three inches or so. The most exciting part, I played the role. It was stimulating to turn the tables and flirt with those fun guys. I believe I may have made an impression last evening. I am still bummed that I didn't see any vampire costumes. Maybe everyone thought there would be too many. Hmm... maybe tonight I might see a vamp or two.
What's great about dressing up? When I go back on a Thursday night for dancing, they more than likely won't recognize me.

A Weekend Getaway

What a great idea! Let's get nine friends and whisk them away to a log cabin just outside a town with a population of 400 or less. A beautiful cabin sitting on a man made lake, surrounded by a forest filled with trees and shrubs on one side and an open range for horses to roam on the other. As I walked around the land, I saw a rope hanging from a tree over the lake. I chuckle a bit, what memories that rope must have made. Maybe I'll just add to it! Not far from that there was a rickety old bridge, which was breaking on one side. Turning to my left I saw what looked like a tree house, or maybe a place to hide while hunting quail. I climbed up in it, Oh what a view. There were horses, three to be exact, an old outhouse, and a cute little bunk house that matched the log cabin. I could go on and tell you all the amenities in that cabin, but then I'd never make it to the friendship I endured. It is breathtaking inside and out. Completely made of pine and mexican type tiles. If I could buy the place, I would in a heartbeat.

As soon as we arrived, we had a hard time opening the door. Funny enough, it was already unlocked. A few pictures later we ran for the rooms throwing our belongings on the beds of our choice. I truely felt selfish picking the room on the upper level, but I couldn't help it, the room was astounding. After unloading our belongings, we rushed for the kitchen. Getting out the booze and cooking up some pizzas, making some snacks and chatting continuously over each other.

Several of us wanted to venture out on a walk and take fun pictures, that I can't wait to see. We stopped to see the horses and I wished I could go riding. I have been on a horse a couple of times, riding bareback, and wanted to saddle one up and roam through the open range. We checked out the bunk house, which was absolutely adorable, and headed back in for more food and conversation. Two brave souls jumped into the lake, it was bitter cold, yet cheered them on. We decided to play a game and had a blast. Then the game changed into maybe something a little too daring, the game I never. Of course there's that saying, what happens here, stays here. I will honor that code, so sorry. After humiliating ourselves, we jump in the Traverse and venture on to the little Karoake bar, the only bar in town. It was rather funny hearing a guy counting how many there were of us. The looks we received were mixed and curious. I thought for sure, we were going to run into trouble. One young woman had ran into a tough time with other women, and frowned upon us entering the bar. There were a couple of times that made me think of Sweet Home Alabama as well. I listened to the locals Karoake and ran when it was our turn to sing, we were completely awful. But some took the fall, kudos to you. It was a small bar and yet when the gals scattered, it was hard to keep up with them. When it was time to go, I admit I was ready (not normal for me), but some didn't want to go. Finally, all loaded up and traveling back to the cabin, some crashed instantly as others (including me), were still wound up and very giggly and chatty.
I was the last to crash, I wanted to write. By four a.m. I went up to bed. I really couldn't sleep, there was just too much excitement. When I heard someone stir, I jumped out of bed (8a.m.) and tried to make coffee. My brain just doesn't function that well in the morning. It was too light and I was embarrassed, how could I not know how to make coffee? I used to make it everyday, darn Tassimo spoiled me. I did run off and get a little alone time to brainstorm on some thoughts I had. It was a wonderful break from reality and I wish I could stay at least another day.

I'm so ready to go back to the cabin and breathe that fresh crisp morning air and snuggle in a blanket on the wooden bench on the deck staring out across the lake and over at the coloring trees.

I'm no handy man

Okay, all right. I cannot believe my luck around here. If this was a house I owned, I'd be tempted to call it a money pit. It's just a rental. Oh wait, not an investment so could still be called a money pit.

Since the day I moved in, things have slowly began falling apart. Day 1 the microwave. I don't even like them and rarely use them so it would have been fine to break. Also Day1 the garbage disposal. That I can't live without! So little things here and there. No big deal right? Well I was proud of myself for hooking up the dryer vent, as it only took an hour. I had no clue what I was doing, especially when I went to search for the part. But somehow I got it. It looked great! I turned on the dryer, and everything worked perfectly. I went upstairs to relax with a good book and a latte. The dryer beeped, yeah it's done. My first load, I'm sooo excited. When I came down the stairs, it was hot. Hmm, maybe I should wait until night time to run it. Then I realized that the hose fell and lint floated around in the air. I sneezed. Geez. I spent a while trying to tighten it up, then giving up and called a relative to help me. Well, that's nothing. My screen door popped off, my window wouldn't lock (already had it fixed!), my son broke the boards that held his mattress on his loft bed, then his closet door went off track. The toilet bubbled, yes bubbled. And tonight, after telling my son that I didn't want to argue, that I was going to bed. "Good night," I said as I yanked the chain on the ceiling fan, above the bistro dinner table, to turn off the light. The chain stayed in my hand and the light went off as I walked into my room. Yep. Now I broke the light. My light I use constantly. I sit my computer on that table and worked until one or two a.m. every evening. What am I going to do? I looked at the chain and grabbed a flashlight. As my son would say, I can fix it. I grabbed the screwdriver and climbed onto the table. I began taking out the screws trying to be careful, I had never taken a ceiling fan apart. I'm on the table and it's killing my knees, I get the first screw loosened and am feeling quite confident. Then the second. Things are looking great. I'm so happy as I remove the third one and somehow I move too much. The screws bounce onto the table and fall to the floor. Meanwhile, I'm holding this fan in my hands, unable to detach it. To make matters worse, I couldn't see how the chain was supposed to attach. What now? My son comes out of his room, and I feel a little relief. After explaining to him why I'm on the table holding the ceiling fan, I convince him to start looking in the carpet for the screws. Now, just to inform you, I just asked a four year old to search for screws buried in the carpet with a flashlight. My arms are getting tired and I sigh when he says, "mommy I found one!" he sets it down on the table and I cannot believe what I'm seeing. It's a bean from a bean dip we were munching on earlier in the evening. I had to laugh. He didn't understand. However, while holding this fan in one hand, and the flashlight in the other, I start scanning the carpet. I'm praying that one will just pop up. One did! I shout out with a tear in my eye, "there's one! Follow the light and you'll see it!" He did exactly that and now I have a screw. Ten minutes go by and no luck. I finally have him stand on the table and hold it with one screw in it. I figure a couple of seconds and I'll find another, if not I'm back to square one. I didn't like him up there but of course he thought it was cool. Sure enough,I found a second one. After screwing it in, I kissed my courageous precious boy and sent him to bed. I continued to comb the carpet and finally found the third screw. Whew... I don't think I'll ever try to take it apart again!
Sadly, I'll still have to make a call to get the light fixed.

The Need for a Child

My sister just recently had her baby. It reminded me of being pregnant with my child. It was the most memorable and terrifying experience in my life. I chose not to find out what I was having, I knew this would be my only pregnancy. I am not one equipped to handle children. I can honestly admit this. However my child, is my most precious experience ever. My child was a biological clock child... yes, they do exist!
I had a dream of a boy fishing on the lake with me. He was the exact image of his father. At that moment, something clicked and I just had to have a baby. I wanted the boy in the dream, the boy who could fish with me. I pestered my long term boyfriend, telling him that he only had two options. One have a baby, or two get fixed. I admitted that I wanted to flush my pills down the drain. That each day, it was getting harder to take them. He freaked of course. We'd been together for thirteen years, and I had never shown a single interest in having a child. Kinda hard to want one when you still haven't walked down the aisle. After a month of convincing and three months of trying, I became emotional and desperate. I hadn't told anyone in my family that I wanted a child, so this next event came as a shock.
I walked into my grandmother's house with my aunt and grandma. She's such a cute, little Japanese woman. I was surprised to see my sister distraught sitting at the table. I had no clue. She started bawling and threw a pregnancy test on the table and everything became a blur. I felt dizzy and angry, as I listened to her talk of this surprise in her life. She wasn't married and not even serious with the father. She said she wasn't ready for this child, it was the wrong time in her life. She had just started school again and enjoyed a single life. I sobbed uncontrollably. My grandma and aunt looked from one to the other not sure whether to laugh or cry. That was when my family learned I wanted to have a baby.
It was close to Christmas, my favorite time of year (next to Halloween). My only Christmas wish would hopefully come true. I bought a pregnancy test and it was negative. I was heartbroken. I asked why my sister could easily get pregnant when it seemed so hard for me.
It was a week or two before Valentines Day and I awoke excitedly rushing up the stairs to take the test. It was five a.m. on a Saturday morning. I forgot my glasses downstairs on the dresser. I took the test and rushed down the stairs. I wanted to see the results, and I honestly don't know how I made it up the stairs without running into everything. I need those glasses! I climb the stairs feeling positive, and look at the tester. It was upside down. I flipped it over and yes I was pregnant! or was I? Did I screw up the test by placing it upside down? I wasn't sure. I called my aunt whom I always hung out with on Saturdays. Yes, she's an early bird. I did wait until seven though. She was so excited and laughing at me. She wasn't sure but said she'd willingly go with me to get another test and take it at her house. So I did. Aunt TJ and uncle Mike along with my grandma were the first to know. Yes! I was pregnant!

I felt as if I was the happiest pregnant person ever, beaming every moment of every day. I proudly walked down the streets showing off my huge belly in every cute maternity outfit I could find. I will admit I had a few break downs, but don't all pregnant women? or women in general?
I can tell you, my baby is the blessing I needed and would never know true happiness without my child.

Running

Running always makes me feel better. The way the sun beats down on me in the early morning, as I enjoy the refreshing cool breeze.

Now that my son has his new big boy bike, he peddals faster, allowing me to run. I can't keep up, yet I'm not far behind. This is my time to think and clear my mind. The wind is pushing against me, I run harder. The cool wind slaps my face. My cheeks and ears are stinging from the cold wet air, but I'm burning up. I can feel the sweat beads forming on the back of my neck. The hair that touches my skin clings to me, I am drenched. I want to shower, but I don't want to quit running. My legs are tired and I can feel the aching of my aging bones. I slow to a walk, my heart is pounding hard in my chest, yet I am laughing. I holler after my son and he begs me for another lap. How can I say no to his precious blue eyes. I cannot run, my legs just won't go. He looks over his shoulder, making sure not to get too far ahead of me. We are almost there, almost home. I welcome the breeze. Closing my eyes, I open my arms and feel the wind blowing all around me, hugging me. I open my eyes to watch the leaves circle up in the air and dance passed me. What a beautiful time of year it is. I can't wait for my next run.

Building the Perfect Guy

Rocking out on the dance floor, I looked over towards the bar and couldn't help but gawk over this very tall, fine, muscular bartender with arms of steel. Though I wanted to say hi, I refrained. Why? you ask. Well why ruin a perfect fantasy. So I imagined what kind of guy he would be... With the help from a couple of my best friends of course!

Physical appearance is only to get me to notice him. Trust me, that's what he wants. He wants a woman to look past his physical attributes. With his height of 6'3", a weight of 250 lbs and able to bench press well over three hundred and fifty pounds, he is quite intimidating. But, that's not all. He looks his best in the color electric blue, which highlights his sexy icy eyes, whether they are golden, topaz, hazel, green or blue, as long as they are light in color. His precious deep dimples and smile warms me so quickly, melting me faster than the wicked witch of the west could when that bucket of water was thrown in her face. He must be thirty-two.

I imagine that he puts out the flames every third day with his buddies at the fire station and builds decks, taking off his shirt showing off his rock hard chest with six pack abs, when he's not fighting fires. Could you imagine being in those strong arms? I could. You should see him bartend that one night a week. Showing off as he tosses the bottle over his shoulder and let's it slide down to mid back before he grabs it to pour me my favorite wicked drink, not spilling a single drop.

I noticed a scar on his forearm; a battle wound from saving the kitten trapped in the apartment on the top floor of a thirty-two story building.

What's really great is the conversation I can have with this guy. He is very inquisitive about the earth and is quite the philospher. He knows my opinions count and listens to everything I say. We can't always agree, but I am the stubborn one. Astrology is very fascinating to him as he lays the blanket out on the grass, popping the cork on a bottle of Champaigne, cuddling up, while he points out Orion and the Big Dipper. Cassiopeia is one of my favorites to search for. He even told me that she was a very vain queen. I was surprised he would know that.

On a slow day at the firestation, he heads into the restroom, locking himself in to read a good book. He doesn't want the guys to see that he loves those romantic suspense filled novels. Maybe, that's how he understands me.

When he asks me out on a date, our first date, he gave me a choice... I could either go with him to see a great rock concert, he was such a diehard 80's hairband guy, or I could go watch the college or professional football game of my choice, or dinner and a romantic movie cuddled up by the fireplace of his cozy cabin outside of town. Such a hard decision. Since it was our first, I went with the college football game in my hometown. Go KState! He's always full of surprises and even let me drive his jeep through the mud. That was thrilling!

Now, here's the best part. He was very persistant on dating me, not taking "no" for an answer. He couldn't believe how knowledgeable and intuitive I was. He just knew I was the perfect woman for him and he would do anything to make sure that I understood it. He charmed me with words and flowers and he's the most passionate kisser I had ever meant. I love how he took control and pleased me from head to toe, but he really loves it when I'm the dominant one.

He is attentive and never picks a fight. He knows that I need girls night outs, because friends are important. He would even pick us up if we couldn't drive home. We usually arrange that so we can go back to his place and have that delicious breakfast of omelets filled with veggies and cheese and hashbrowns. He's almost a better cook than I am. I love it when we make dinner together. My favorite night is when we make Lasagna. He serenades Pavarotti while we drink our Cabernet Sauvignon. Oh and he can dance. Whether it's rocking out or going low, being seductive and dirty or waltzing or a little salsa... boy he's got it all.

At the end of the day, we snuggle up together watching whatever movie I choose, since I have such great taste.

Ahhh... what an imagination. Do you think this guy really exists? Probably not, but I won't hold that against the others who come close.

A Toast To Friendship

A life without friends is no life at all.

I have the best friends ever. No matter what crazy foolish mess I get myself into, they pick me up and tell it to me straight. I've been scolded a few times and I lower my head in shame. Though I do not regret my foolishness, I understand that I shouldn't be acting that way. I feel like such a rebellious teen right now and that's really not who I'm trying to be. I have been in limbo for the last seventeen years. With my recent change, I think I've just started where I left off. Oh goodness, that's not where I want to be either.

I am in my mid thirties, but I am told over and over again, that I do not look or act it. No matter where I go, I meet mid to early twenties, not later twenties. So of course immaturity plays on their side. I love seeing how carefree they are and I want to be free. What I am just now realizing is that I am totally free and I am living my life. I like it! It's adventurous. To be able to do almost anything I want is amazing. I say this because I spent so many years asking permission. I never really had a voice even though I used it. Now I am able to make choices that I've always wanted to make. Like buying a new sofa or dying my hair red. Even better, getting a tattoo! I did that. I am rather shocked I did it, but hey... it was totally worth it. Did I get scolded? No. My friends are not judgemental. Thank goodness! But they did say... Are you sure? Did you think this through? You know it's permanent, right? Well, you know my answer.

The greatest thing about my friends; they have been here for me through all my madness and have been that shoulder I needed to cry on. They offer to take me out clubbing so I can dance. They check on me too much then again not enough. They have given me advice I could use and tell me what is not appropriate. They tell me they love me and that I am welcome in their home. That there is the most important thing for me to hear. Hearing someone say I love you and mean it, is a wonderful and warm feeling.

A toast to my true BFF's. I love you gals!

Opening the door

Why is it when you walk out the door, that's when you get what you thought you wanted?

OMG! or Oh my gosh! Unbelievable...
So I ask him why I'm not good enough to marry and he says... I just don't believe in it. Hmm... That is absolutely crazy. What I hear is that I am not worth believing in. Wow! Talk about a low blow. Ah, anyway, so understanding this I decide after all these years it just might be the right time to find the door, oh the front door. So I fumble with the lock and pulling when I should be pushing, because the door is broken. I'm serious! and that's not a sign... I can tell you about signs, but that's not what I'm wanting to talk about right now. Okay, back to this story. So I finally figure out how to open the door and guess what! He believes in me. Oh wait... He thinks he does. Truly, he just doesn't want to lose the cook, the maid, the lawn girl, the secretary and the accountant. Oh and the taxi! How could I forget that! So now knowing that I am too lazy to do all these things, I walk... nooo I run out the door as fast as I can.
Whew... could you imagine what would be next?

Texting Nightmare!

How crazy can this be!

You know how drunk texting works... well the other night I found myself in a texting nightmare! Definition: falling asleep and texting.
I never fall asleep before one a.m. and now I understand why...

It's close to midnight and I'm nodding off. I sit the book I am reading beside me and close my eyes, expecting to rest them nothing more. Next thing I know I'm jumping up grabbing my cellphone scrolling through the last texts I sent. Whew... I didn't send a thing. Or did I and erase it. Hmm...

What a dream... a goodlooking guy getting a very... provocative text from me. Poor guy!
Last thing I need is to start texting while I'm sleeping!

Guess I should add that I don't even have this gorgeous guy's number!

Define: Whimsical

Adj.

1.

whimsical - determined by chance or impulse or whim rather than by necessity or reason