I rush to my cell phone the moment I hear it chirp. I am smiling and hopeful that it is the one who makes my heart soar. I look at the time, he can't text me for another half hour or so. So I am curious now, who would be texting me? I read who the sender is. I shake my head and read the text.
You wanna move to California?
I am stunned. Why on earth is he asking me to move with him, now? We aren't together and haven't been in over a year. I try to tell him "no" gently, but he is not listening to me. He is desperately trying to persuade me, and I am still holding my ground. There is nothing in California that I want. Not anymore.
This was the path I asked for two years ago. I begged then to get away.
All of a sudden, I feel a rush of emotion as a tear drop slides down my cheek. I just need a release. My heart is overwhelmed and I am no longer wanting to talk. I just want to lock myself up into a room and not have any visitors at all.
Maybe this seems odd to you, but this is just the beginning of the next round of events sure to come. The start of something genuine and sweet. But as I say "no" the hatred will build and once again I will find myself afraid to make any positive move.
I just want to be free of this whirlwind that smothers me all too frequently.
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