As I look for a house to purchase, I feel the anger boiling inside me. Trust me, the houses are cute, it's knowing what I have been reduced to. Now, that I have typed that, I realize this negativity is not me. I cannot help how I feel right now. To know that I left him taking nothing but what I needed. I gave him the house and the luxury car because I feared him coming over everyday harassing me. Now, I hate it and I can feel that hatred for him. But I need to stop. There are brighter ways of looking at life. I'm going to type what I should believe in and hope that if you have this sinking feeling as I do, this will help you too.
Instead of hating him for having everything material, I should boast in knowing that I have a simple and peaceful life filled with love from my child. I can also enjoy that everything in this rental house, has been earned by me alone. I did it. I made it without him. I may not have a half million dollar home anymore, I have a rental house full of life. I have built memories here that I'll never forget.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have no reason to be jealous that he has all the luxuries that we had worked hard for, but that I should be happy that I am blessed with a roof over my head. That on my own, I have built up the credit to buy a home. Even if it's only a third of the price and house. I am still very fortunate. Many people are struggling, wishing they could be in my situation.
God forgive me for my jealous thoughts as they won't change the situation for the better. Father, help me to overcome this weakness and grant me fortitude as I carry my cross to you. Life could be so much worse and it is for so many out there. Father, show me the wisdom and hope, with love throughout my life. Father, do with me as you will, I am a child of God.
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