Friday, April 30, 2010

Lyana Jo's Borrowed Lyrics Mix...

I chose a variety of lyrics from many songs to create a mix of my own...

There's a reason for all my rhymes
I'm a girl in heels and a pair of faded skinny jeans
A wildflower with a restlessness
There's a wild wild whisper blowing in the wind, calling out my name like a long lost friend
I don't need a shrink to tell me what to think, there ain't no missing link in my love life
I'm only saying what's on my mind
Boy we had a real good time and I wish you the best on your way
For how long will you try, how long before you walk away
Why are you so obsessed with me
I watch your face drop as I told you not to fill me with doubt
You and I could write a bad romance
that don't impress me much
I didn't mean to break your heart I wish it had been mine
Your love I borrowed just like time it wasn't mine to keep
Just walk away
I have friends in low places

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Tempest

Scarlett screamed and sat straight up in bed as the thunder cracked and lightning lit up the room. She pulled the sheets over her head and tried to concentrate on a happy thought, but the snap of a tree branch sent her flying out of the bed. Scarlett threw on her robe and went into the living room to look out the huge picture window at the raging storm.

The trees' branches bent over sideways almost touching the ground and the wind howled as the rain pelted against her window. Her sight becoming less visible as the storm intensified until she saw a bolt of lightning strike against the transformer on the pole across the street. Darkness surrounded her instantly. Trembling, she walked cautiously with her hands in front of her as she felt her way into the kitchen to grab the flashlight.
She blindly rummaged through the drawer while her heart raced, and she whispered,"Oh please, please, be there." She sighed as she wrapped her hands around the long cylinder shaped object and pressed the button forward. A light flickered for a moment and then faded out quickly.

"No, no, please no." She shook the flashlight and the light shone bright and again dimmed rapidly. She ransacked the drawer in search of batteries, throwing pens and papers onto the counter. She gulped and felt the tears well up in her eyes. After a moment Scarlett calmed herself and shook the flashlight again. She pressed the button and looked quickly as the light came on for a moment, but not long enough to see clearly.

She jumped as the thunder rumbled and shook the house. A tree branch flew into the window, shattering glass onto the tile floor and she screamed. Sirens sounded overhead and she dropped to the ground with her heart pounding hard in her chest, and crawled along the floor, hoping the flashlight would work long enough to make it to the basement. Any light was better than no light even if for a brief moment.

Scarlett made her way down to the basement and felt her way to the couch and curled up with the pillow. Overwhelmed and exhausted, yet too terrified to sleep, she recited the prayer that helped her feel safe.

The storm was weakening and the sirens no longer sounded. She sighed and grabbed the blanket on the back of the couch and covered up. After what seemed an eternity, the thunder let up and the room became silent. A moment later, she heard the humming of electricity, and then the lights flickered back on. She let out a deep breath and walked back upstairs. The sounds of a light shower calmed her. She noticed the damage from the tree branch left a puddle of water and broken glass, but there wasn't much she could do about it until morning. Scarlett wedged a blanket through the window valance and laid a towel out on the floor to sop up the rain as well as cover up the glass. Exhausted, she found her way back into the bedroom and snuggled back into her bed, falling quickly into a deep sleep.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Fork In The Road

I came upon a fork in the road and blindly followed the path full of warmth and beauty until I hit a dead end. I wandered aimlessly and became overwhelmed with no desire to leave this adoring path until I found instability. With the loss of control, my confusion became apparent that I no longer knew who I was. I understood the importance to find myself again...

When I opened my eyes wide, I noticed the overgrown path that would lead me back to my destiny. It was there all along. So, I followed it. This path is smooth and adventurous, full of promises, but it lacks what I desire most; the love and beauty I grew accustomed to at the dead end.

Do I dare turn around or do I wait for another fork in the road? Perhaps the next fork in the road will have all the components I need for prosperity and happiness in my eternal life.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A Sweet Moment

I see the light in his eyes and his tender smile melts into my soul. I feel the gentle touch of his fingertips on my back as we walk down towards the riverbank. He stops and I turn to face him. His arms slide around me and he leans forward. My heart begins to race as his lips near mine and I close my eyes. His lips brush across mine and I lick my lips with anticipation. A wet trail of kisses from my mouth to my ear leave me wanting more. I tremble as his warm breath finds my ear and he whispers.

"You are a beautiful soul and I am so lucky to have you in my arms tonight."

I moan as his teeth lightly nibble my ear and my body is enlivened. I slide my hands up his arms to his face and I look into his lustful eyes. I pull myself to him and engage in a kiss so soft and romantic, leading hot into passion. An inferno is blazing within me and I can't stop kissing him nor can he stop kissing me.

Monday, April 26, 2010

A Beautiful Mind

In my opinion...

A beautiful mind is an inquisitive mind which finds the beauty in life and has a positive outlook. This beautiful mind also feels passionately and voices an opinion openly as well as listens intently to other point of views.

The person that possesses this mind is carefree and desires to keep others close to them smiling as this is what keeps them jubilant and energized.

Sadly, this beautiful mind feels so deeply that eventually an overwhelming sadness will fall. Sometimes it is almost impossible to overcome the abyss, but it's not likely this mind will stay down for long. It is not the characteristic of a beautiful mind.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Recurring Nightmare

Again, I am terrified. I wake up holding my hands over my throat, screaming but I am clueless. I remember the angry face in that dream, but I don't understand why this face has come to haunt me. Does this mean something bad is going to happen? I have enjoyed peace and harmony for so long now, I am not prepared for torment.

Why can't I remember this nightmare that holds reign over my dreams? It has come so often, I fear that it will be true. How can I prevent it when the visions have left me sitting here in the dead of night blankly staring into the darkness? I wonder when this nightmare becomes reality, will I have the strength to over power it?

I need to sleep, but my mind is overactive. It is 4:55 a.m. The same as always. I am sure this is significant, but I am lacking proof. I must close my eyes and try to sleep, for I have a busy day ahead of me and I need my rest. Please let this nightmare leave me at least for the day but I hope for eternity.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

A Child's Nightmare

I woke up this morning to my son shaking me. "Mom, I had a bad dream."
I pulled him up and cradled him in my arms unable to open my eyes. "Oh bubby, what did you dream about?"

"Well mom, cookie monster was chasing me again."

"Chasing you? Why was he chasing you?"

"He was chasing me with a plateful of cookies. He said I had to eat them."

I laughed aloud. "Oh bubby, I'd run too. All those cavities and calories aren't for me either."

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Open Door

I am happily flying high in the clouds. A new feeling of anxiousness and nervousness and ready for that moment when I can unlock the door to my heart and peek out ever so carefully. But then it happens. It happens again just like it did before. The slight tug on my heart and I feel for the first time in such a long time. Yet there is always something pulling the door closed. I put my foot in the door, not this time. I refuse to lock myself in misery again. I am ready to find out what lies on the other side of that door.

From the moment it had been cracked open, an overwhelming feeling came over me and I liked it. Yet it's terrifying to push it open, I find myself opening it a little more everyday.

Is it a mistake to leave that door wide open? I no longer think this is a horrific idea. How ever will I find eternal happiness if I don't open it?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

A Christmas Present

It was Christmas morning and twenty- five year old Jessica was ecstatic. She loved Christmas more than any other holiday because she would see all of her family. Not to mention baking the desserts was her specialty. The praises she would receive would keep her baking for years to come.

Jessica and her long term live in boyfriend, Jacob, packed up the scrumptious desserts and headed towards her aunt's house. As they drove Jessica thought of her broken down Honda, desperately wishing for a new car. But kept quiet for fear of ruining a beautiful morning.

They arrived at the house and Jessica slipped on the Santa hat and unloaded the desserts. Several of her young cousins came rushing to the car excitedly, taking the pies from her hands and hugging her tight. She giggled. She had one more bag to pull out of the backseat of the truck. It was full of little gifts for her family. Nothing much, but something they could enjoy.

After a wonderful dinner and the gift exchange, she sat down on the couch and watched the football game with her uncles. Jacob stood in front of her offering his hand with a wry smile. She smiled in return and raised an eyebrow, as she placed her hand in his. He pulled her up and whispered into her ear "I have a gift for you."

Her heart raced as she walked up the stairs seeing the beaming faces of every family member looking at her. With her uncles following behind her, she knew whatever it was, it was a big deal. Once up the stairs they brought her a box that was big enough to hold a computer. She opened it and laughed as the box was stuffed with newspaper. Jacob urged her to continue.

She rummaged through the box and her fingers found what she was looking for. As she pulled this small box up, she couldn't breathe. She pushed back the rush of panic afraid that it would show. Was she ready to say yes to him? They had been together almost eight years and never once did he act as if marriage was a possibility.

She exhaled slowly. A warmth came over her and the thought of a family filled her head. "Yes. Yes, I will marry him," she thought.

Her fingers trembled as she opened the box and her heart sunk. It wasn't a ring. For a moment she looked at the object, completely blinded. She cleared her mind and focused on it. It was a key to-

She screamed! "The Mercedes!"

He nodded.

She ran up to him, hugging him tightly with tears streaming down her cheeks, as she filled the room with laughter. She took in a deep breath as she looked at the family members near her, focusing on her aunt Sheryl who laughed and clapped excitedly as she rambled on about the car's features and rushed to the garage to see it. Her disappointment had vanished as she sat in the new Mercedes and turned the key.

"Let's take this baby for a spin."

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Distracted

This would be the word of the week for me. I find myself unable to concentrate on writing a short story once again. My focus has taken a dive and I am fighting for it to return. What is distracting me? Everything. From taxes to paperwork to moving to social activities to just wanting to blog. This is a rather interesting turn of events considering when I first began blogging I had no real desire to open up and show you just how opinionated I am. Now, I don't want to turn it off.

I kept quiet in my life for years and I have finally found my voice. I want to be heard even if what I believe is debatable. A little healthy disagreement is good for the soul. It's like an adrenaline rush, but you can only handle so much of it.

As I write fiction, my ideas are vague and lost lately and I know it's all because of this new idea to express myself. I can only hope that I can find my artistic side soon as I have many great ideas still waiting for me to write them.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Deception

She sighed and stared up at the ceiling, the tears streamed her cheeks. She knew what she had to do. She had to tell him the truth. She only wished she could take back the lies. This would be the first time in their year long relationship that she would be honest with him. She didn't have a choice when she changed her identity. Her ex husband would be getting out of prison soon and she had to run again. She sat on the edge of the couch, tapping her fingers on her knees. She looked at the clock. He was ten minutes late. She heard a car door shut and rushed to the window and peeked out. It wasn't him. She grabbed her cell phone off the table and dialed his number. It rang until it went to voice mail. She tossed the cell phone on the couch and paced the floor. Her mind raced as images of a car accident went through her head. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a soda from the refrigerator and sat back on the couch.

The clock chimed at the top of the hour. She grabbed the phone again and dialed his number. This time it didn't ring, it went straight to voice mail. She threw the phone down on the couch and stomped into the kitchen. She looked at the bottle of whiskey and contemplated on pouring a glass. She sighed and backed towards the kitchen wall and leaned against it cupping her face and sobbed into her hands. She had no idea how long she had been sitting there, but the darkness told her it had been hours. She slowly pulled herself up to her feet and stumbled to the couch. She curled up in a ball and fell asleep.

She woke to the sound of his voice and the light shake on her arm. She looked up at him and knew he had been with someone else. Her lies no longer mattered because his deception was worse than hers.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Soulless

As the day fades into night, I am alone. I clutch tight to my pillow and bury myself under the blankets. I'm afraid to close my eyes. Yet terrified to leave them open. When the darkness falls the evil surrounds me and I can't hear myself think. I turn on the music but I cannot block their voices. They want from me what I refuse to give. They want my soul. I want to escape but I find no shelter. They will follow me where ever I go. I am tired of running but determined not to give in. I seek the lord in prayer but I fear it is too late. I waited too long. I am getting weaker or they are getting stronger this I cannot tell. I seek a savior before I sink into the bottomless pit that is getting closer to me every second. My eyes are heavy and it's been weeks since I slept. I know when I close my eyes I will be no more.

I concentrate on the day, though it is no better. A life full of misery in this lonely exile. No one to turn to and no one who cares. Maybe I should let them take my soul. I'm tired so tired, my view is shrinking. Would anyone hear me if I shout out into the night? I don't think so. I can't bear the weight of my eyes anymore. I have nothing left worth fighting for. I need to sleep. I have to sleep. My courage is gone along with my strength. All I can see is darkness and I'm fading. I'm weightless and no longer feel anything. I am at peace in this eternal sleep.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Morning Time With Leanna

Good morning all you wonderful friends that keep reading my posts from day to day. I love to ramble and this is the best place to do it. So thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules and reading this blog.

I am curious, how do you think I would do giving my opinion in a magazine or newspaper column. Me, I think I have a little wisdom in some areas and would love to give it a try.

If you have a question you want to address, you could message me on facebook and I would be willing to answer it on the blog without revealing who you are. It doesn't matter what kind of question you want an opinion on. I will apply my best efforts to give you the "opinion" I feel is correct. It doesn't mean that I am right, but it gives a chance to hear a different point of view. I would love to give this a try before I throw myself under the bus. The post may even be incognito for self assurance. You know I love to dramatize any and every event.

Looking forward to a chance and a challenge.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Learning A New Cellular Phone

I thought I was technology savvy until I met my new cellular phone. I had received a great deal so I grabbed a hold of the Motorola Droid and ran home to make sure it was charged up and ready to use.

My first frantic moment happened when I realized the contacts didn't transfer over. I immediately ran onto facebook and sent out the massive hey if you still love me text me so I can put you back into my phone. Yay! I had still had friends. Texts came flooding in and I laughed as I entered them into my phone. It automatically added the facebook profile for everyone and life was grand.

The funny story is about the dictionary that is attached to the texting. A really good friend of mine that I had been out of contact with for a couple of months, text me. I replied with "hey babay" and hit send. I looked at the text and just about died. It read, "hey Barbara" I frantically text back saying "OMG! I'm sorry I said hey baby!" which led to an interesting conversation.

I also tried to use "cuz" and it changed to customer. And midol became Nicole. So if you receive a couple of off texts, I am truly sorry. I plan on reading the book soon. It's on my "to do" list.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

A Gloating Moment

I open the document sent back from my professor on a nonfiction story I submitted for my assignment. On the top of the page it says EXCELLENT! Oh my goodness, I am thrilled. I think I can finally believe in myself that I am turning into a fine writer. It's unbelievable in my eyes, because it's my childhood dream. The dream I've always been afraid to go after. My Professor's words have encouraged me to keep typing away, giving me the confidence boost I need to go after my dream full force.

Now that my Professor out of New York has given me a nice pat on the back, I'm ready to rock and roll this year in writing competitions and submissions for a future occupation.

I know many of you have informed me that I have talent and I thank you kindly. With all this support from you, I couldn't have made it this far. YAY! I say today.

Monday, April 12, 2010

One word Description

Last night I bravely asked my facebook friends to describe me in one word. I must say either they are all liars or I'm a great person. I worried that somebody might say something bitterly, but I would have something to work on if they did. Imagine asking your friends to describe you on a day depression hits. This would lift your spirits.

I'm copying this thread and I'm going to paste it on a card stock and prop it on my dresser. On days I'm feeling down and out, I will have something to cheer me up.

Thank you for your kind and hopefully honest words.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The decision to "Grow Up"

I have made the wisest decision in my life today. It's time to "grow up". I feel that I have finally filled that emptiness and hurtfulness. I have replaced it with great memories and made many friends that I will keep in my life forever. My life is almost complete. The only thing left for me to do, is be responsible in my single life. I no longer feel the need to live it up and frankly I'm kinda getting bored with the bar life. Don't get me wrong, I still want to dance the night away. But when I go out dancing, I'm tired of feeling molested. I don't want a guy to just walk up behind me and start grinding. That's not appealing. Maybe that's why I hit the country bars lately. Two stepping leaves little time for unwanted advances with it's faster pace. Now, I'm not going to lie, I did have a guy show me it can be done and he lost me before the song ended.
I'm ready for the one guy who can sweep me off my feet, but I'm not looking for him anymore. Fate holds my card and I'm in no hurry.

I also look into my son's eyes and I can see that my single life started to blend into my family life. I don't like that. I haven't given him the attention he deserves in the last two months. But that is all changing.

It's time to organize and prioritize once again and become the woman/mother I have always been. After all I just bought a house and my son's getting ready to go to Kindergarten, while I am finishing my course in writing. It's time to make the dream come true.

Even though I'm growing up, I will still be the same exciting person. I'll just be more responsible with my time.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Evenings on the Bike Path

Every evening when the weather is fabulous, my son and I walk the bike path behind our house. It's one of our favorite things to do. He rides his bike and I jog alongside him. Every once in awhile he would take off screaming with laughter while I chase him, reaching out to touch his arm or graze his back with my fingertips. I'm giddy that spring has returned. Now we can stay outside for hours playing while we bake in the sun and take later evening walks.

This child of mine has a routine on these evening walks. He speeds up leaving distance between us, gets off his bike and picks the wild flowers growing along the curve. He keeps his back to me until I am right behind him and I giggle. He's such a sweetheart. When he realizes I'm right behind him, he turns around with his head down and extends his arm. he looks up as I take the flower and he says to me, "Mommy you are so beautiful."

My heart swells and I scoop him up in my arms and give him a great big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Friday, April 9, 2010

A House That's Mine

I tap my pencil against the notepad as I listen to the lecture and glance at my cellphone. Still another forty minutes before class would end. I sigh and try to concentrate on the professor. My phone lights up and I smile. I received a text from my real estate agent and she says, do we have a deal? She gives me the details and I say "Yes" She texts back letting me know they will rewrite the contract and sign it tomorrow. I am shocked. I turn to my neighbor and tell him, I just bought a house. He says congrats and then we return our attention back to the professor, just in time to hear something very important about the upcoming assignment.

Class ends and I walk towards the door feeling a warming within me. I discuss the assignment with my partner in crime and we talk about the new house. I will live just down the street from him in two months. We say goodbye and I jump in my car. I crank up the volume to my stereo, when all of a sudden it hits me. I just bought a house!

I text my agent and my closest friends letting them know and then I scream. I laugh I cry and I laugh some more. I am giddy. I cannot believe that all my hard work over this last year has paid off. I finally have my independence that I have been working for. I am still happily crying because I didn't believe that I would make it this far. Yet I have. I have done this on my own. All those years of being told that I couldn't survive on my own, just proved opposite.

It's not a huge house, but it will be a house of memories. It will be a house that is mine and I will make it mine. I don't need a huge house to be happy, I just need a house to make a happy family. Love comes in small doses and then grows.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Mini Bucket List

Have you ever really thought about a bucket list? Me neither. Last thing I want to think about is dying. Well, I had been asked once what was on my bucket list and I drew a major blank. Since then, it has crossed my mind a few times that maybe I should make one. But, the one I've decided to make, is a mini bucket list. The difference between them, this has nothing to do with taking a trip around the world before I die. This is about the little things I had never done that I'd like to accomplish here in the next year or so.
Maybe we all should make a list like that. It's better than a resolution because it's not about making it to the gym, slaving away to shed off pounds. This is about living a little. Something I've grown very fond of this last year.

I encourage you to make a list of five things you'd like to do in the next year. Maybe you've never been on a motorcycle and you just want one ride around the block. Write it down and do it. Maybe it's getting out to the theater or going to a concert. I bravely on a whim ordered tickets to see Lady Antebellum and Tim McGraw. Now there's something to mark off that list.

Making a bucket list doesn't have to be extravagant, it just has to be something you want to accomplish. Making a mini one is easily achieved if you put forth the effort.

Life is about living. I plan to live mine to the fullest and I'm going to place a check mark on all that I accomplish on my mini bucket list this year.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Rhyming Fun

This was something just for fun I hope you like it a little bit.

Take this stress and shove it
I don't need it anymore
I've got too many things that I have planned
like I used to have before

Tonight, there's a party down the street
and my favorite band's still at the bar
I can feel the rhythm and dance to the beat
and I won't have to drive very far

A round of shots and I'm feeling great
I am sure that I'll drink too much
a handsome guy will have to wait
I'm not ready for his touch

Tomorrow I'll kick up my feet
and lay around in my bed
I know I won't be able to eat
I'll want silence for my aching head

Okay... haha! I tried to rhyme.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

A Change In Luck

February began a strange turn of events. I blame it on the Chinese year of the Tiger which began in mid February. The Hare (me) is said to clash with the Tiger. That I would basically find myself in roller coaster situations and boy let me tell you, I have. One day I'll find myself on top of the world and very productive and the next struggling to figure out what happened to a document or spending time in my car waiting on the tow truck.

I did get a four day vacation from all the crazy little things that kept popping up. But this week, I'm back to the old ways. One day great, next day I'm screaming HELP! Don't worry it's not traumatic enough to keep me from laughing.

Now I need to rewrite the class assignment I had completed last night. Maybe it was a sign it wasn't very good and now it should be spectacular.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Jealous Thoughts

As I look for a house to purchase, I feel the anger boiling inside me. Trust me, the houses are cute, it's knowing what I have been reduced to. Now, that I have typed that, I realize this negativity is not me. I cannot help how I feel right now. To know that I left him taking nothing but what I needed. I gave him the house and the luxury car because I feared him coming over everyday harassing me. Now, I hate it and I can feel that hatred for him. But I need to stop. There are brighter ways of looking at life. I'm going to type what I should believe in and hope that if you have this sinking feeling as I do, this will help you too.

Instead of hating him for having everything material, I should boast in knowing that I have a simple and peaceful life filled with love from my child. I can also enjoy that everything in this rental house, has been earned by me alone. I did it. I made it without him. I may not have a half million dollar home anymore, I have a rental house full of life. I have built memories here that I'll never forget.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have no reason to be jealous that he has all the luxuries that we had worked hard for, but that I should be happy that I am blessed with a roof over my head. That on my own, I have built up the credit to buy a home. Even if it's only a third of the price and house. I am still very fortunate. Many people are struggling, wishing they could be in my situation.

God forgive me for my jealous thoughts as they won't change the situation for the better. Father, help me to overcome this weakness and grant me fortitude as I carry my cross to you. Life could be so much worse and it is for so many out there. Father, show me the wisdom and hope, with love throughout my life. Father, do with me as you will, I am a child of God.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

The Other Woman

I knew one day this would happen...

For the last few weeks when my son came home from his father's, he would speak of daddy's "new" girlfriend. It didn't bother me too much because from the sounds of it, she's good with him. Tonight, however, I am feeling jealous and have realized that he treats us as equals. She has two children so she is more exciting to him, because he has someone else to play with. What made me jealous all of a sudden, you wonder. I asked him if he understood the meaning of Easter and the Easter Bunny. His response, mommy I made "girlfriend" the bunny at school. I gave it to her. Oh my, did I just lose out on something my son has made at school? Yes, I did. And not to his father, but to another woman. He didn't stop there. He proceeded to tell me that I need to move back in with daddy and "girlfriend". Oh my really?

It was hard to swallow, but I knew this day had to come. How do I handle it? With ease, of course, though inside I just want to scream from the highest mountain. There's no reason to stress him out, he's not old enough to understand what is and has happened over this last year. My only worry is that he will continue to want her more. I hope it's just a fad and that I won't have to compete for my little boy's attention. It's already hard enough to share him with the man who never knew he existed until I walked out the door.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Playing With The Heart

I wonder why there's no clarity in love. Could it be that the one you think is playing with your heart may be confused? Maybe they aren't sure what they want. Quite often a person tries to convince oneself that they are still in love, only to find out when standing in front of them, deep down there isn't any love left. I believe I may have been guilty of this myself.

A year ago, I left a long term relationship in search of love and what I ran into was a failure to commit. My failure. I felt I deserved the best, but I had no real confidence in that. I buried myself in my writing while the ex-boyfriend tried to show me he could change. At the same time he scared me with his unstable emotions. Yet, I tried to tell myself that I could make it work, when in reality it wasn't possible. Too much damage had already been done. I know it's my fault too. I wanted to make a friendly break for the sake of our child and didn't want to deal with the ugliness. He had a temper that flared easily and I didn't want to run into it either. Maybe I led him to believe he still had a chance when I knew in my heart there wasn't a chance possible. I feel horrible for that, because that gave him a false hope that I would run back into his arms.

In the midst of partying out my freedom, I found myself. I also found that everything I felt I deserved, I could have. But why couldn't I go for it? Whenever it came close to commitment, why did I want to run away? Because I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to feel my heart swell or break. Which was horrible mixed signals that I gave to my suitors. I would show interest and agree to go out on a date. But when it came to meeting up, I would find an excuse not to go. Will I ever take a jump forward and try to date? I hope so.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Nightwalk V

Deep into her dream, she giggled as she ran through the waterfall. She reached her hands up into the waterfall and then closed her eyes and leaned forward into the cool water as it rushed down her face. She took another step forward and the water surrounded her. She felt a hand touch hers and she tried to open her eyes. The hand slid into hers and tugged gently. She took a step forward and then another. The waterfall was behind her, and she opened her eyes. Her savior stood before her encouraging her to follow him into the cave. She hesitated, wondering if she should be afraid. But she felt no fear. She nodded and took a step following him deeper into the cave. A chill ran up her spine and she shivered. He stopped abruptly and pulled her closer to him. His wings spread out and surrounded her. Her heart began to race until she heard his voice in her ear. “You are safe.” Immediately feeling secure, she leaned back against his chest and closed her eyes. Heat radiated within his hold and his lips brushed her ear. She drew in a deep breath, licked her lips and smiled. His touch was sensational and she wanted to stay in his hold forever. She felt a slight nibble on her ear and she giggled, biting her lip. She turned her head slightly and his lips crossed her cheek sliding towards her mouth. She opened her mouth slightly and his lips pressed on hers. A squawk from above rang through the cave, and he turned quickly pulling her behind him. He hissed and she screamed as something flew right at them.

She screamed, sat up on the bed with her arms flailing out in front of her.

He rushed into the room instantly and touched her forehead. His sad eyes never left hers as he said, “you are safe.”

Thursday, April 1, 2010

A Clumsy Moment

After having a fabulous four days, I knew my luck had to run out sooner rather than later.

I woke up and realized it was after seven thirty and I think that threw the whole day off. I ran the normal morning errands and then headed to the gym for my morning fix in cycle circuit. I felt sluggish and groaned over the sore muscles from Pilate's the day before. I couldn't seem to find that spunk I usually had, but I pressed on.
Finally, we went into the gym to do the cardio and strength training, something that is enjoyable after fifteen minutes of cycle. With fifteen people in the class, the instructor asked us to pair up and then gave the instruction. Half worked biceps while the other half did lunges across the gym and back. I wanted to head back upstairs almost immediately, however, I pushed through and then we received our second set of instructions. Triceps for half and then shuffle across the gym. Not once or twice, but four times. I had amazing speed and looked at my partner smiling, thinking I'm almost there. Then it happened.
My foot stopped as if it were glued down, and my other foot traveled over it and tripped me. It happened in slow motion and I thought about my sore wrist and refused to catch myself, tumbling down to the hard basketball court floor and felt a rich shudder travel through my entire body. The pain shot up my quadricep down to my ankle and then my shoulder hit down hard next. The gasps from my fellow classmates sent me roaring with laughter and I laid there unable to pull myself up. How embarrassing that I still had forty minutes of class left.